Lacunar
by perpetually
Summary: He can't remember what she's done. She can't forgive herself for what's happened. When a slate has been erased, some chalk will always remain. [Updated daily]
1. Crash

**Note:** A story about life's hope and love's misadventure. It will have short chapters and will be updated daily because it's been pre-written. Just think of it as a Christmas gift or something. I don't know. Happy Holidays! It's a fictional story with elements of real-stuff, so I'll be pulling some creaky levers, maybe.

P.S I highly recommend listening to the theme music because it sets a tone of voice and might also help paint a mood for the story, its characters and the readers.

**Readers: **Viewer discretion is advised. The story is rated M.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Twilight._ It is owned by Stephenie Meyer, and not part of my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only. This is a fictional story about fictional representations of real people.

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**Theme: **_Florence + The Machine - Never Let Me Go_

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**Lacunar**

**1.**** Crash**

The beeping on the monitor roused him from the magnetic pull of sleep, allowing him to awaken with expected cloudiness. He opened his eyes, just a crack, as the peaceful rhythm of his heartbeat was reflected on the electronic device. A sudden hammering of panic, due to the confusion of his surroundings, caused him to believe that he was locked away in an uninviting institution of some sort.

_I've been kidnapped_, he thought worriedly.

"You're currently at Riomem hospital, Edward Cullen," a male voice said.

Edward looked at the man. He was wearing a white coat and had a tag pinned onto the breast pocket of his garment. Blankly, Edward stared at the name tag.

_Dr Jeremy Jenks_, it read.

"Okay," Edward said quietly. He didn't have a clue as to why he was currently lying on a hospital bed, wearing a patient gown.

Had he been in an accident? Perhaps, he had slipped and fallen, hitting his head.

"Do you remember how you got here, Edward?" the doctor asked.

Edward shook his head. The doctor paused for a minute before he spoke, "I suspected that."

Edward looked around. There didn't seem to be anyone visiting him. No flowers or teddy bears; he didn't even see any cards. He scratched his head, wondering if anyone even knew he was here.

His eyes wandered to the tubes that were stuck into the skin of his hand. Furthermore, he saw cuts and bruises of all shapes, providing some ghastly color to the paleness of his skin. He must have looked terribly infirm.

Edward felt a pain in his ribs as he started to cough. As his raspy wheezing subsided, the doctor gently spoke again. "You were in a car accident."

Edward looked around uncomfortably. He knew he was a careful driver.

"Tell me what you remember," the doctor said.

"I know who I am..." Edward began. "I know where I live. I know how old I am."

"What about your wife?"

"My wife..." Edward murmured.

He remembered vague silhouettes of a beautiful woman. She had long hair and soft skin. He remembered kissing her and making love to her angelic form. He recalled the time when they'd traveled to Hawaii and danced by the bonfire on the beach.

He remembered proposing to her there.

Suddenly, the images in his head weren't silhouettes anymore. They were glowing photographs framed in his bank of blissful memories.

She was his high school sweetheart. His best friend.

She was everything to him. His other half. His kin. His soul-mate.

"Bella Swan," Edward stated. There was firmness in his voice. "Of course I remember... my wife."

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	2. Open

**Lacunar**

**2\. ****Open**

The doctor nodded, jotting down more notes. The sound of his pen colliding with the paper on the clipboard felt soothing to Edward. He briefly closed his eyes, seeing flashbacks of Bella.

_Where is she? _His mind raced. _Why isn't she here?_

He ended up being convinced that she was probably busy.

_She's a teacher, remember?_

He smiled at the fact that he could still recall that. He didn't feel as if there was anything wrong with his memory, apart from the fuzziness he experienced when he tried too hard to remember certain things.

It gave him headaches, so he stopped trying.

Edward counted from one to fifty and then from fifty to one hundred. He could recite his wedding vows and he could remember a few nursery rhymes. He felt fine. But there was a nagging feeling in his stomach that told him he _wasn't_. He felt as if he was a lost item being shoved under the 'found' area but having no knowledge of being lost in the first place.

"Where's my wife?" Edward asked, hoping that he didn't sound like a whinging child.

"We've only just managed to contact her. There were problems with getting her on the line. She'll be here very soon," the doctor replied.

Edward looked at the clock on the wall. It would have been lunch time for most people but Edward could hardly find his appetite, no matter how hard he searched for it. He was still feeling a little nauseous and lightheaded, as if his brain had been squished and was still expanding slowly, in an attempt to return back to its normal shape.

"You're in ICU right now," Jenks told Edward. "But now that you're in a stable state, we might have to move you into another room."

Edward nodded, not bothered by the thought of being transferred to another ward. The only thing on his mind was his beautiful wife.

"You have two fractured left ribs and a broken left leg," the doctor told Edward as he was being wheeled. "You've also suffered damage to the head which was why you were in a coma for thirteen hours.

"You don't seem to have any obvious memory problems at the moment but for many patients, certain memories can go missing and it'll require time to fill in those foggy, blank spaces. Take it easy. But other than that, I have high hopes for your full recovery."

Edward nodded absently as he watched the fluorescent lights on the ceiling fly by, reminding him of a time when he'd stuck his head out of a sunroof whilst being driven through a bright tunnel at night.

He was left on his own after receiving instructions to simply push a red button if he was experiencing any discomfort. Edward thanked the doctor and the nurses before closing his eyes, seeking to find relaxation in an undisturbed nap.

However, his rest did not last very long.

"His wife has arrived. She's waiting outside."

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	3. Arrive

**Lacunar**

**3\. ****Arrive **

Edward heard footsteps. He felt the walls of the hospital shaking but he wasn't sure if it was due to the pounding of his heart that echoed so forcefully in his ears.

Was he nervous? Anxious?

She entered, looking at him with her hand covering her mouth. He could see sadness painted on her face and the unshed tears that gathered to create a glassy look in her brown eyes. He could hear his pulse speeding up as he stared at the woman in front of him.

"Hi," she said. He looked at her twitching hands. Nervousness rolled off of her in waves. Edward never felt so confused in his life.

He knew that married life wasn't easy. They'd always have to jump over hurdles and obliterate their misunderstandings, but he'd always love his wife no matter what. He just couldn't understand why she was acting like a shy mouse entering a lion's den.

"Why are you standing so far away?" he asked, a little accusatory. Her eyes widened, shocked to think that he wanted her any closer.

"Um-"

"Come here," he said, holding his hand out. She didn't hesitate. Rushing to his side, she peppered his cheeks with urgent kisses before she made contact with his lips.

_That's more like it_, he laughed to himself.

"Edward," she whispered fearfully. "I love you... I love you so much."

He replied with the same sentiment, pressing a kiss to her forehead and butterfly touches to her eyelids. He caught a glimpse of her glistening tears before she buried her face into his neck.

"It's okay. I'm here now," he whispered, under the belief that she was weeping because of the car accident he had gotten himself into. "I've got you."

As she cried, she felt the crack in her chest become more pronounced. She could hear the noises that it made as the edges of her broken heart broke away, like the parting of tectonic plates. She felt the ground become unstable, threatening to annihilate her entire world. A quake erupted in her torso as she begged for hope and renewal.

Edward kissed her softly. She couldn't do anything but return his kisses with unrestrained desperation.

The doctor had told her that her husband couldn't remember arriving at the hospital.

They believed that there were potential, small gaps in his memory.

But Bella knew what had happened; she was certain of one thing.

He wouldn't be treating her like this if he did _remember_.

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	4. Attempt

**Lacunar**

**4\. ****Attempt**

Edward paused, not knowing if he was ranting or not. The doctor nodded encouragingly, beckoning him to continue. They were trying new exercises- to see how much Edward could remember from his hazy memory. He was doing very well so far.

"I'm twenty-nine," he stated. "I love swimming, jogging and traveling. I work at my father's firm."

Dr Jeremy Jenks wrote down everything that he said. Edward looked at his hands again. He thought back to the accident, acknowledging the fact that he had been lucky to escape with only a few broken bones.

He started to feel pain expanding throughout his body, accepting the numbness that coursed through his muscles as he wondered if anyone else was as lucky as him. He thought about what Bella could have been doing when he was stuck under all that wreckage or when he was obliviously sinking into a coma.

A piercing sting surged through his head, as if preventing him from remembering too much in a day.

Something must have propelled him to drive so recklessly. His brain was still slightly rattled and it took every ounce of determination in his body to not grow frustrated with himself as each passing day came to a close.

He felt his thoughts bouncing everywhere. It was as if certain things were missing. Completely unclear. Perpetually untouchable. But other memories were crystal clear, like fresh water from the springs.

Something was inhibiting him from remembering. From operating to his full potential.

"We'll take a break now," the doctor said, after another check-up, having seen the distraction in Edward's eyes. "I'll let your wife know that you're done for today."

Bella entered soon afterwards, placing her hands on Edward's shoulders and rubbing them soothingly. He smiled at her gentle touch, yearning to make contact with her lips again. Bending down so that she could face him, she planted a proud kiss over his lips as Edward moaned into her mouth.

"I love you," he whispered, looking lovingly into Bella's eyes.

A look of worry flashed over Bella's features, rendering Edward confused as he wondered what sparked her concern. She caught on with his uncertainty, as if the two could read each other's minds and maintain constant equilibrium. Brushing away his perplexity, she stated that she was thrilled to see the progress he was making.

Bella excused herself to go to the restroom, holding onto Edward's hand until the growing distance forced his hand to limply fall back on the bed. She peeked over her shoulder and sent him a shy smile before making her way down the hallway.

A muffled buzz in her handbag signified the incoming of a new text.

_I'm here if you need to talk._

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	5. Mend

**Lacunar**

**5\. ****Mend**

Edward was officially permitted to leave the hospital, a week later. However, he was constantly reminded of his injuries through the sticky notes that clung onto the calendar in the kitchen.

_Appointment with physiotherapist_, one note said.

_Tuesday: Brain exercises for an hour_, another one read.

Edward felt disgruntled, knowing that he couldn't help around the house like what Bella had been doing so graciously. She must have been exhausted by the countless trips to and from the hospital. Yet Edward never heard a complaint.

He wasn't sure if he was supposed to feel grateful or blatantly worried about her lack of annoyance with the amount of care that his situation required.

"I'm your wife," Bella would always reply, every time Edward voiced out his concern. "I love you."

The declaration of her love for him- present in all of Bella's sentences- would make Edward's heart skip multiple beats before he'd give his wife a searing kiss to reciprocate.

Bella Swan made him feel all sorts of exhilarating sensations. Even though he had seen her naked many times, she never stopped affecting him in _that _way, as it often brought out the inner schoolboy in Edward Cullen.

His heart would stammer in his chest, just at the way she'd look at him- from under her lashes.

Or the way she'd innocently touch his hand, tracing amorphous patterns.

Thankfulness dominated his feelings as he smiled at just how lucky he was to have asked her out during that high school dance. He couldn't bear to imagine Bella Swan being married to another guy... another high school sweetheart.

As Edward sat in his study, hoping to regain normalcy in his routine, his mind often wandered to the earlier moments in their relationship. He remembered asking her out, like a shy boy he was once was. He remembered tying the corsage around her wrist. He remembered kissing her for the first time.

He also remembered the first time they made love.

It wasn't inside. It was outdoors, under a blanket of starry diamonds. He had gently placed her on the picnic mat before she moaned for him to touch her in places he'd never been before. He remembered Bella writhing in pleasure as pieces of her hair stuck to her temples. He remembered palming her beautiful breasts in awe, before bringing her to an ecstatic release.

But that was nothing compared to their wedding night.

Bella had mewled all night long as he dove into her, worshiping her like never before. She had laughed and cried, touching him in places that only her hands had familiarized.

The more Edward reminisced, the more he started to appreciate the memories that were safely stored in his head.

And as Edward revisited those moments in his life, he fell deeper in love with his beloved wife.

But an agitating thought managed to persistently pull at the back of Edward's head, as if it was nagging him for attention.

Edward could never understand why he only remembered _those _memories. Memories, that made his heartbeat double and triple in happiness, until he felt like passing out.

He also wanted to re-experience the arguments he would have had with Bella. He wanted to see his recent collection of annoying habits that would exasperate his wife. He wanted to relive the moments where he'd comfort her after a bad fight, so that he knew what needed improvement.

There were parts of him that felt as if they were missing, thereby creating a mystery of himself.

He wanted his _old self _back, but he could only get that through his memories. Bella would always talk to him- trying to ignite any new leads to those buried fragments- but Edward always felt as if it brought her pain to share memories with him that were not recognized by the very person who starred in them.

He turned towards the framed photos around the house but he never ventured any further than that. He just analyzed what was in front of him. But the moments captured in the smiling pictures were ones that he could remember already. They played in loops, continuously buzzing inside his head.

Day after day, Edward waited for the vacancy to be filled with its missing memories- good ones and bad ones- as all of them would have shaped who he was.

Before and now.

But those memories never came.

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	6. Changes

**Lacunar**

**6\. ****Changes**

Bella Swan smiled at her student as she answered the girl's questions about their new assignment. She wiped the whiteboard as the student gathered her belongings and left the classroom. Holding her tray of markers and various reports that needed to be marked, Bella took in a deep breath as she entered the staffroom.

"How is he?" a familiar voice asked.

"He's doing well... still recovering," Bella said, turning around.

The man stood a head taller than her petite frame. He was Jasper Hale- her colleague and fellow teacher. His golden locks seemed darker due to the gray cloudiness of the weather that surrounded them. Bella shivered as she felt a draft of wind entering the room.

"The temperature's been quite chilly," Jasper commented as he looked out the window. "Sadly, it's no longer beach season for these school kids."

"Finally," Bella laughed. "No more beach bums making out."

"You have no idea how many I've caught, just lurking around the house," Jasper added. "I guess it's a hotspot for hormones."

Bella's laughter made Jasper smile.

He'd missed seeing her on the school grounds, after hearing about the accident. He hoped Edward was making a steady recovery as it made him frown every time Bella grew anxious about the health of her husband.

"I made too much food for last night's gathering," Jasper said. "My fridge is overflowing."

Bella could see the friendly offer in his eyes but she shook her head furiously. An apologetic smile found its way on her face as she looked back up at Jasper's waiting eyes.

"I'm sorry," she responded. "I need to be back home."

"It's okay. Maybe some other time, then," Jasper said as he helped her put her coat on. "I have a lot of marking to do, anyway. I'll see you later, Bella."

Bella gave him a wave before grabbing her handbag and walking out. Usually, they'd stay back for a little while, to finish grading some papers but this time she was wise to break that routine. She knew Jasper just needed a friend, having to constantly escape the loneliness of his house. He frequently reminded her that he would always feel better after talking to her. Bella knew what he meant.

Driving down the main street, Bella rolled down her window even when the harsh wind whistled against her skin as she sped by. She found herself relaxing as she heard the seagulls in the distance and saw the occasional jogger running alongside the cars in traffic. She also wondered what Edward was up to.

After arriving home, Bella entered to find Edward standing up with his crutches, smiling at her jubilantly. He gave her a quick peck on the lips before he pulled back, enabling her to see the twinkle in his eyes.

"How was your day, love?" Edward asked sweetly. He moved his lips to her jaw before they traveled down to her neck.

Bella gasped out an inaudible reply as his knee-buckling kisses reminded her of their honeymoon phase. It made her glow with an euphoric radiance that was symbolic of their past. She silently remembered a time when they had been the epitome of extravagant newlyweds who were not hesitant to display their affection for the whole world to see.

A solitary tear crawled down Bella's cheek as she felt the weight of such nostalgia.

She'd never wanted it to change.

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	7. Plague

**Lacunar**

**7\. ****Plague **

"How was the physio?" Bella asked as she popped a baby tomato into her mouth.

"It was good," Edward replied quietly. He took a deep breath before he spoke up again. "I don't want every conversation to be about me. I want more of you. I feel as if there are parts of you that are somewhat fresh to me... like I don't remember ever knowing it was there before."

Edward had continued to look back at old photographs, hoping that they'd trigger something in his brain. He incessantly held onto fervent optimism to, one day, regain the ability to fill in those miniscule holes in his memory.

"Okay. What do you want to know?" Bella asked, sipping her red wine.

"What was the last thing that we argued about?" Edward said without missing a beat.

_He's thought about this for some time_, Bella thought to herself.

"W-why do you want to know?" she asked, curious. "I feel like _I_ can't even remember."

Edward stared at her for another second before looking away. "So we don't usually fight, then? Don't get me wrong; I hate arguments. I just thought that all couples had their fair share of bickering."

"We did bicker," Bella said. "We just... didn't bicker a lot."

"Maybe that's why I can't remember those negative recollections then," Edward surmised.

Bella swallowed thickly, trying not to think too much about the arguments that they'd had prior to Edward's car accident. However, her thoughts decided that it was an ideal time to torment Bella. She stared at the plate of food in front of her as a wave of queasiness rolled in her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, reading her like an open book.

In the early stages of their relationship, Bella had found it fascinating that Edward could read her so transparently. It was the same, vice versa, for her. The two young lovebirds thought that this was sign of them being destined soul-mates. Together, they blossomed.

She always remembered what he liked.

He always treasured her opinions.

But as the relationship went on- playing out the ups and downs of marriage- they grew tired with each other. She detested his hasty assumptions and his lack of patience. Whereas, he thought she was unhealthily stubborn, always eager to deny the most obvious- so as to maintain her dignity.

Simple debates would become more argumentative and soon enough, close neighbors would pay them a visit, just to check that everything was okay.

Bella thought about excusing herself from the dinner table, under the guise of stomach cramps, but a heavy burden of guilt weighed down on her. It shackled Bella to her chair, pinning down her abdomen which made her even more nauseous.

She didn't want to lie to Edward.

She wanted to tell him the truth.

But he was still in the early stages of remembering. She didn't want to taint those ethereal memories that depicted the beauty of their relationship.

Not the flaws.

Not the ugly parts.

"I keep dreaming about our high school years and our wedding night," Edward said softly. "I can also remember our first few years of marriage. It's like a song that is always on repeat. It's as if my brain won't allow me to switch to different tracks in an album. It's so _selective _and... secretive."

Edward chuckled as he shook his head. Bella smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

She knew that it was only a matter of time before the plague of bad memories would haunt them both.

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	8. Dream

**Lacunar**

**8\. Dream**

"I'm sorry for not paying you a visit, son," Carlisle said.

"It's fine, father," Edward replied.

Although his brain was spongy and his memory bank very porous, he was able to recall the detached relationship he had with his father. Following the death of his mother, Esme, Carlisle had kept his distance away from his son. Carlisle's stilted approach to his fatherly duties had created a sense of resentment in Edward.

Working for his father's business, at a renowned law firm, offered Edward some level of comfort in knowing that Carlisle was not completely disposing him. Carlisle had been recovering from a broken heart for years before he started another family of his own with a woman who was two years younger than Edward.

Carlisle's attendance at Edward's wedding had felt more like the company of an acquaintance, rather than having a father around.

But Edward soon found closure. He never asked for much from his father, instead, choosing to work his way up amongst the top lawyers. Carlisle hardly bothered him, apart from sending him details of a new case. It was a distorted depiction of a familial, business contract. No baseball games on Saturdays or spending quality time during Thanksgiving.

As Edward stared at the blue sky that blended into the sapphire coloring of the sea, he found tranquility within their home. His wife was his life now. He didn't have siblings or any close friends growing up. He topped his classes and was labelled the 'unusually attractive, school geek' to which he found the title to be _slightly _flattering, if not plain stupid.

After he ended the call with his father who had just heard about his admission to the hospital, Edward took some time to revise the notes on his desk. Seeing as his own father was his boss, Edward was granted leave indefinitely.

There was eerie unfamiliarity to spending every day at home, apart from his morning walks along the beach which was an activity that garnered him plenty of stares as he struggled to move his crutches in the sand. However, the feeling of sand between his toes always paid off.

Edward felt restless as he found himself doing nothing.

"What did I used to spend my time doing?" he asked himself, as he scoured for clues.

He was always a hard worker. But he knew that much already. Perhaps, he overworked a lot.

_Maybe that's why I feel so unproductive_, Edward wondered.

Hobbling downstairs, Edward sat down on the couch after turning on the TV. He glanced at the clock, knowing Bella was about to finish work at the local high school that both of them had attended. As Edward inattentively stared at the screen, he started to see something awfully bizarre.

The vision didn't appear right in front of him. It encapsulated him, submerging him, as if it was forcefully engulfing him to witness a reenactment of one of his own memories.

"You don't listen to me anymore," Bella's voice said brokenly, from his left.

He turned to look at his crestfallen wife, yearning to reach out and touch her. But his hand simply went through her in a ghostly manner.

"I always fucking listen."

Edward recognized that voice. It was his own.

But it sounded hoarse and angry. Tired and unforgiving.

Edward turned to his right to see a past version of himself sitting on the couch. Sinisterly, Edward stared at his own face, as if peering through a looking glass. There was a harshness to his features.

"It's like you're married to your work," Bella croaked. "I don't even know who you are anymore."

Edward didn't look at Bella as she spoke. He mainly analyzed himself, wondering when he started to become so egotistical. From what he remembered, he would always patiently listen to Bella's thoughts, mirroring the respect she gave him.

_But according to Bella, we hardly argued_, Edward frowned. _Could this be a nightmare, instead of a memory?_

The cell phone on the coffee table started to ring. Edward caught a glimpse of the date that was lit up, along with the time. This flashback was from a year ago. They would have been married for some years by now.

Edward struggled to take in what he was seeing. He couldn't remember any of this. It was as if he was watching a soap opera that happened to have him in a lead role.

"I've got to pick this up. It's work," the Edward in the vision said, looking at his phone. "I don't want to leave you like this, Bella."

"Just leave me alone," she growled, covering her tear-stained face.

Silence immersed Edward as his surroundings dissipated. He felt a lurch in his stomach as he spun back to his own reality.

He had never felt more confused in his life.

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	9. Assist

**Lacunar**

**9\. Assist**

Edward got to the door to greet his wife before she even got her keys out.

"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Bella asked quizzically, having never seen her husband be so energetic.

She placed a kiss on his cheek as she stepped through the door frame before taking off her coat.

"I had this strange vision," Edward said, watching Bella's movements. "We were... fighting."

Bella momentarily froze before she realized the stiffness in her body. Coughing, she walked over to the kitchen to wash her hands and hopefully, wash her worries away.

"What were we fighting about?" Bella asked, trying to halt the rising panic in her chest.

Edward thought for a minute. In the midst of his surprise at what his brain could conjure up, Edward had forgotten what the fight was initially about.

"It must not have been that important," Edward mumbled, being blinded by his own optimism. "But I think it was about both of us not listening to each other."

Bella hummed, secretly trying to pinpoint what argument Edward was referring to.

They had started to have constant fights about poor communication and different goals in life, causing Bella to repeatedly wonder if their marriage had been constructed on the fragile foundations of puppy love. As things got better and then worse and then cycled itself in infinite circles, Bella found herself getting dizzier and dizzier, every time she thought about finding the tail end of the circle.

It was far too knotty for Bella to remember clearly, especially when her maximums and minimums joined to form dynamic waves of discomposure.

Bella had wanted to forget every argument right after they'd occur. She couldn't possibly know what argument Edward was alluding to, especially with such vague hints.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Bella said.

"It didn't sound like a silly squabble though," Edward noted. "It was a pretty heated disagreement."

Bella turned around, leaning against the ledge of the sink before placing her hands on her husband's chest.

"Don't worry, Edward," she said, trying to diminish the restlessness in his eyes. "We weren't always like that. We were happy, most of the time."

"But did these types of fights happen very often?" Edward asked with a puzzled frown.

To Edward, Bella appeared oblivious as to what he was talking about but she didn't deny the existence of his flashback. It was the only assumption he could make- they simply fought too many battles against each other, that she couldn't even remember the specifics through its convolution.

"It's nothing to worry about," Bella persuaded. "Trust me. We were two happily married human beings."

"Okay, I just want to know- and remember- so that I don't repeat my past mistakes," Edward replied sadly, recalling the vision of his dejected wife. "Strangely enough, the universe is giving me a second chance, for no good reason at all."

"You're not the one who needs a second chance," Bella muttered, securely wrapping her arms around his waist as she leaned against him. "I'm the one who is in need of that."

Edward wasn't sure what his wife was implying but in the burning heat of his received comfort which drew stark contrast to the disturbing flashback he had seen earlier, Edward never wanted to let Bella out of his sight.

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	10. Collect

**Lacunar**

**10\. ****Collect**

The bright light was moved away from Edward's eyes as the doctor thanked him for his patience. She was a new doctor, with wavy black hair and hazel eyes. Edward looked around the hospital room, thinking back to his broken self lying on one of the beds. He wondered what the car crash had looked like.

Had it been gruesome? Deathly?

"It's been a little more than two months now," the doctor said proudly, giving Edward a pearly smile. "The X-rays looked good. You can still use the crutches if you need help moving around. But remember to stretch your leg every day using those techniques."

Edward nodded, feeling great satisfaction in getting his cast removed. Jenks walked into the room, pulling up a swivel chair as the female doctor walked away. He then jumped into the deep end of questions.

"Does your head still hurt?" he asked.

"Sometimes. Near the back," Edward answered.

"Okay, that's normal. Keep taking the medication if the pain perseveres," Jenks replied, continuing to jot down notes.

"Do you think... I'm suppressing certain memories?" Edward asked abruptly.

The pen in the doctor's hand stilled.

He looked up at his patient.

"Well, that depends on many aspects. You don't have Retrograde Amnesia; you happen to remember many things about your childhood and the events scattered throughout your timeline. You're holding onto memories- creating more and more as they come- so Anterograde Amnesia is also not what we're focused on, right now," Jenks said, glancing down at his paper.

"Your blood tests have come out perfectly fine and so have your head X-rays. We'll still be doing tests that are related to thought processing but for the big picture, I think only you will know if there are triggers that might lead to unwanted reminders. Maybe at home or at work or even somewhere else. You should ask your wife as well."

Edward looked down at his hands.

He had asked Bella about all of this, knowing that she knew him much better than himself. But Bella hadn't mentioned anything strange. He'd asked her if there were specific events in his childhood that he could have possibly suppressed, or any wrongdoings that he was shamefully guilty about.

But Bella had replied with the negative.

"You're thinking about Lacunar amnesia, aren't you?" Jenks said quietly, crossing his arms. He knew that amnesia was a tricky thing to explore and to understand. "When we had first checked up on you, you claimed that there were parts of you that weren't fully _complete_. I'd thought that it was due to your body being under the influence of drugs as well as struggling to repair itself. But now, I think you're on a mission to trace back what had happened prior to your car crash."

"I have read about Lacunar amnesia and it does intrigue me," Edward admitted. "But I feel as if there are _bundles_ of memories that I've hidden away. Perhaps, a single memory isn't the only thing that I've locked up."

"It can very well refer to a collection of isolated events or even people in those happenings. Those memories would have then been lost after you suffered your head injury," Jenks confirmed. "They might've held painful information. That's why your brain chooses not to recall them."

_A painful collection of isolated events_, Edward thought.

He felt the flame of his optimism flicker out.

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	11. Help

**Lacunar**

**11\. ****Help**

"What was I doing on the highway?" Edward asked Bella, nudging her with questions. "Where were you that night?"

"Stop bringing all of this up again," Bella pleaded with a lazy groan. "It's late."

She started to move away from her husband. But Edward didn't let her escape so easily. He held onto Bella, persuading her to fall back against his chest again. A grimace was etched on Bella's face as she fruitlessly fought against Edward's expanding curiosity.

"Is it too hard for you to relive?" Edward asked, pained. "I'll promise to stop asking if it hurts you too much. I just want to know."

Bella shook her head guiltily, not wanting to discourage her husband. "It's not too painful. That night, I was at home, Edward. Plus, I deserve every crappy thing that's coming my way."

"Why do you keep saying those kinds of things?" Edward asked with a scowl. "It's like you're punishing yourself for something I am totally clueless about."

"I'm not," Bella said, placing a kiss on Edward's chest. "Honest."

They were wrapped up under the blankets, listening to some classical music as they cuddled in bed. It wasn't the first time Edward had touched her after the accident. Their passionate lovemaking did not swerve even when Edward still had his cast on.

For Bella, it had felt like a while.

A while since she had her _real _husband.

Furthermore, as he didn't have any more broken bones left, things were able to escalate and get more adventurous in bed.

"Will you ever answer me? What was I doing alone, that night?" Edward asked, tracing insignificant shapes on Bella's naked back.

"You... you wanted some space," Bella answered shakily, unwilling to experience the roller-coaster of emotions that had flooded her on that dreadful night. "You decided to go for a drive."

"Were you safe at home?"

His worry for her safety brought tears to her eyes, catching her breathless and unable to answer Edward's question. As he attempted to penetrate the unfathomable inside his own mind, he continuously placed Bella ahead of his own endeavors. He never stopped caring about her well-being as he desperately struggled to unveil the enigmatic blanks that had once ruined him.

"I was safe," Bella replied quietly.

"I wasn't drunk when I was driving, right?" Edward asked worriedly.

His mother had died when he was young. They'd told him that she'd suffered no pain. That she was killed on impact by a selfish, drunk driver. Carlisle had never been the same after Esme's death. Edward had lost two parents on that moonless night.

"No," Bella reassured him.

After turning off the lights and the stereo in the bedroom, silent darkness descended upon them. Edward got back into bed, snuggling next to his wife. He found refuge in the gentle sleep that cradled him, accompanied by the soft lull of Bella's breathing. But just before he lost all consciousness, he heard the troubled whisper of his beloved.

"Forgive me."

.

.

.


	12. Foreground

**Lacunar**

**12\. Foreground**

He stood near the doorway as Bella wrapped up her class. She placed the scalpels in the tray before ducking into the storeroom. He waited patiently as Bella's biology students stared at the blond teacher. Some gawked at him in awe as they filed out, whereas others were more composed with their ogling.

Bella wasn't oblivious to the attention that girls gave to the male teachers.

But she was oblivious to many other things.

"Bella," Jasper addressed, smiling at her. "You look beautiful today."

She hadn't done much- there wasn't any new make-up or jewellery. But the weather did clear up so Bella decided to wear a new dress for today's lessons. She smiled politely at Jasper's observation.

"Didn't we get that dress together?" Jasper continued. "Remember that day, by the markets."

"I remember, but it was a different one," Bella replied. She looked at Jasper, staring into his light blue eyes before looking away uncomfortably. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything," Jasper said. "You made it perfectly clear, last time."

"It... it nearly broke me, Jasper," Bella said, closing her eyes. "It nearly broke _us_."

But Jasper knew that Bella's use of '_us_' did not encompass him. He simply blended in the background, transforming into geometric, bokeh shapes that served to blur out the unimportant faces, every time she was with her husband.

He knew he could never compete.

But there was a time when he didn't have to.

There was a time when she let him in.

"Is he treating you right?" Jasper asked, concerned.

Bella was touched by his worry but she knew that there was a lot more weight to his words.

_He's just being a caring friend_, she reminded herself_._

"He's never treated me badly," Bella said, staring at her colleague.

"He took you for granted." He reached out to touch Bella's cheek. "Have you forgotten?"

"Of course, I haven't forgotten," Bella said, turning away. "But whatever _this_ is... it can't happen. You know that."

"I'm just being your friend," Jasper replied innocently.

Bella quickly looked away as she carried her belongings to the staffroom with Jasper following close behind. When he didn't speak, Bella glanced at him curiously.

"What, more leftovers?" she said, sighing with the hint of a small smile. "Is that what you're waiting to ask me?"

"You know I always have leftovers," Jasper grinned, glad to hear her make conversation.

He missed seeing her be herself.

He worried about her stress levels.

"I love cooking too much. But there's not enough people to cook for, as you know," Jasper commented quietly.

He gave Bella a sad smile as images danced before his eyes. He wondered if Bella still remembered the happy times they'd spent together. Different, colored memories spun through his head. There were ones that consisted of them playing chess. Then, there were ones where they'd laugh at the silly faces they could make as they enjoyed being childish again.

But his favorite memories of her would be ones where they'd leisurely talk to each other.

She'd tell him everything that was on her mind whilst he laid out his emotions for her. Just for her.

He trusted her, even when the vulnerability in his chest protested.

He trusted her, even when he knew he would always come second.

He trusted her, because he was someone she could depend on.

And that was enough.

.

.

.


	13. Study

**Lacunar**

**13\. ****Study**

Edward rested on the couch, imitating the way he had been sitting last time when the visions took over his mind. He waited for an epiphany of some sort. Maybe he would learn more about himself with these meditative sessions.

Edward had tried listening to all sorts of music, hoping to hit a trigger. Instead, he'd found himself sitting at the piano, playing many of his old pieces. His fingers had a different agenda, just like his brain.

"Maybe these flashbacks happen at various places in the house," Edward mumbled. "After all, we probably don't only fight in the living room."

An abrupt qualm hit Edward in the chest. He grew worried at his own questions.

_Were we easily provoked into having arguments? _He thought to himself, mentally counting all the possible places where fights could have taken place.

As each passing day vanished into its own history, Edward's gut instincts started to collide more frequently with Bella's admissions. An unwilling feeling of apprehension confronted Edward on a daily basis as he wondered about his own wife being the one who was suppressing his memories.

"It could have been events that shattered all your expectations," Jenks had explained. "Perhaps, you felt guilty about something. Or maybe you learned of a news that was completely inconceivable."

_Don't be stupid_, Edward scolded himself. _Bella is everything to me. Why would she hide things away from me?_

His perturbing interrogations started to wear Bella out. It made her eager to get out of bed and go on a morning stroll, as a way to avoid the morning confrontation of his obsessive questions. She understood that he was scared and merely keen to figure out his own brain, but it was Bella who should have been scared.

Scared to have him find out the truth.

Occasionally, when dinner would be ready, Bella found herself needing to repeatedly call Edward's name before striding into his study, only to see him submerged in his own world.

Notes. Piles of paper. Articles on the human mind.

Bella had even spotted a few books on psychology.

"Was I a workaholic?" Edward asked Bella, one day, having explored his study very thoroughly.

"I thought you didn't have Retrograde amnesia," Bella pointed out.

"Some parts of my head are foggy. It's as if I'm still half-asleep and blocking out parts of my own personality," Edward replied. "I feel as if what I know is correct, but I'm always missing _details_. I remember the big things, just not the intricacies."

"You worked... hard," Bella said quietly, answering his question.

"But I always had time for you, right?" Edward replied. That was the most important thing. He had read online about major catalysts that made couples drift apart.

The inanimate, feelingless necessity in life called _work_.

For the most part, he remembered a lot about his own work ethics. He didn't remember anything wrong with the way he faced his occupation as a lawyer. He liked to take regular breaks and have coffee in between his meals. He also remembered preferring to finish his section on a case individually, before coming together with the rest of the team.

He always knew that Bella understood- the way he never gave up until he gave it his all.

But now, he had doubts.

He prayed that his ambition did not cause a rift in their marriage.

Edward pulled Bella to his chest, holding onto her tightly as he asked, in a penitent voice, whether he had put her second, behind his demanding job.

"You always had time for me," Bella said, soothing Edward's worry.

Edward had been blinded by his own desperation to hear Bella's words of confirmation that he completely missed the unsettled look in her downcast eyes.

.

.

.


	14. Coincidence

**Lacunar**

**14\. ****Coincidence **

"Are you sure you want to get the groceries?" Bella asked as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Edward eyed his wife who was only wrapped in a damp towel.

"If you keep standing there, I'll never leave," he growled, chasing her back into the bathroom with a squeal.

Edward did manage to leave, forty minutes later, after Bella decided to have another shower. It had been a quiet weekend and one that Edward enjoyed very much. He also figured that not many people would be at the shops on a Sunday evening. But he was wrong.

Apparently, all the moms were out shopping to buy bread and milk, in order to make Monday morning breakfast for their kids.

As Edward stepped back to assess the wide range of cereal brands on the shelves, he accidentally bumped into another person.

"Sorry," Edward apologized, turning around. He gave the stranger a kind smile.

The blond man stared at Edward, feeling slightly confused before he brushed it off with hesitancy. A fixed look was shared between light blue eyes and the clueless green. Narrowing his eyes in speculation, the man refocused his attention to the cereal boxes in front of them.

It felt as if the universe was playing games with the blond man, seeing how Edward didn't recognize him.

"A fan of cereal?" the man asked.

"Yeah, if it's not toast and eggs, it's _Frosted Flakes_," Edward joked, shaking his head. He had a bit of a sweet tooth. "But I'm thinking of changing it up."

Edward knew that Bella was always a big fan of _Lucky Charms_, so he decided to grab one for her but the stranger beside him was quicker. Oddly enough, he handed him the box before Edward even reached for it. Perplexity knocked against Edward's back but he chose to thank the man, instead of ruminating about such a coincidence.

"Have we met before?" he suddenly asked, just as the man was about to leave.

The stranger's eyes darted around the supermarket, feeling more puzzled than he already was. He could tell Edward the truth but he seemed rather bewildered in his current state.

_How can he not remember breaking my nose? _The man thought to himself. _Was it really that long ago?_

"No. Afraid not," the man said, after a grueling, internal debate.

Edward looked into the light blue eyes of the man he had bumped into and consequently struck a friendly conversation with. He nodded his head, seemingly accepting the man's response before he watched the stranger round the corner of the aisle.

What Edward didn't know was that he had been unknowingly staring into the eyes of his very own destroyer.

.

.

.


	15. Sugarcoat

**Lacunar**

**15\. ****Sugarcoat**

"Are you having any blackouts?" Jenks asked Edward.

"No, just dizziness," Edward replied.

"Okay, that's all right then," the doctor said. "Drink plenty of water and get some rest."

Edward made his way back home after his visit to Riomem hospital. He felt lethargic, as if all the energy in his body had been sucked right out. Crashing onto his side of the bed with heavy exhaustion, Edward found himself drifting into a tired slumber after his medical appointment.

There were loud voices buzzing in his head. He frowned as he tried to push the distracting noises away. They reverberated against the sturdy walls of his mind, creating an echo effect that seemed to heighten his ever-present migraine. Edward winced as he heard more voices. It felt as if he was in the subway during peak hour.

There were too many people.

It was too crowded.

He was going to faint.

His brain was overheating, like it was playing too many memories, all at once, and he'd forgotten to turn down the volume. Just as Edward wished for the clamor to vanish, he recognized two distinct voices that stood out from the loud cacophony.

Suddenly, he was transported to a quieter place. To his very own bedroom- the one he shared with his wife.

"Do I look like I'm not fucking trying?"

_That's my voice_, Edward realized. There was sharp hostility in those uttered words.

"You're not trying hard enough and I can tell that you're always mocking me."

_And that's Bella_.

"You're obsessed. It's almost scary."

"Just because I want a family, it doesn't make me obsessed. You're an idiot who can't seem to realize his true commitments."

"You're a fool to think that I never listen to you. Can you even hear yourself, Bella? Do you know what you're saying anymore? Go talk to someone who knows how to deal with your mess."

Edward could see the scene playing out in front of him. Once again, he was that helpless bystander who didn't know what to do in these cryptic visions. He saw an Edward and a Bella standing on opposite sides of the bed. They were glaring at each other as they got dressed, most likely for work.

"Fine, I'll go talk to someone," Bella yelled shakily. "I'll go be with someone who actually gives a damn about me."

"You go do that," the Edward in the vision scowled. "While, I provide for this _family_ that you want so badly."

Edward's phone started to ring as Carlisle's name lit up the screen, humming with reminders of awaiting duties.

"A baby. That's all I want," Bella whispered softly before she started to cry, sinking onto the floor. She would have to reapply her fresh makeup. "And a husband who loves me because he still does. Not because he has to."

As the scenario started to disintegrate, piece by piece, Edward found himself waking up from his lucid dream and struggling to get enough air into his lungs. With heaving breaths, Edward slowly came to his senses as he felt the evidence of tears on his cheeks.

He could never treat Bella the way he did in those visions. He wanted to yell at himself. He wanted to travel back in time, or even communicate with the Edward that he'd seen and ask about his appalling temper. Edward never thought he'd have anger management problems but now, he was convinced that he did.

In the vision, Bella had stated that she wanted a baby. She'd wanted a family.

Edward recalled wanting to start a family, as soon as they got married. But Bella was keen on enjoying the perks of being young newlyweds. As the years went on, seeing other people with giggling babies and drooling toddlers, it must have made Bella shift her life goals. But had he adapted to these changes?

Was that when all the arguments had started?

Edward was unable to prevent himself from feeling misguided hurt at the thought of Bella not sharing this part of their history. He had told her countless times that he felt as if he was suppressing parts of his memory, or at least events that he detested, and he'd expected pure honesty on her behalf.

She was the guardian of his secrets.

She was the gatekeeper.

She was his elixir.

He desired _truth_, not shy responses that were sugarcoated with evasive half-lies.

_Why didn't she tell me this? _Edward thought to himself, feeling a burning pain in his chest. _When did I become so cruel?  
_

He couldn't help but wonder what else his wife was keeping away from him.

.

.

.


	16. Break

**Lacunar**

**16\. ****Break**

He waited on the couch for her return from work. There was a bittersweet grimace on Edward's face as he contemplated about what he would say to Bella. He was still reluctant to believe that she was withholding information from him. He needed hope and trust. He didn't want to give up on her, unwilling to succumb to his own insecurities of never discovering what his mind was keeping away from him.

The sound of Bella's key through the lock jerked Edward back to reality, planting distance between him and his aimless thoughts. Walking up to the front door, he watched as she placed down her handbag and hung her coat on the rack. He felt as if he wasn't watching his wife, but a woman who he barely knew enter his house.

It was a sinister feeling.

He almost chickened out about confronting her. He debated against himself, wanting to secretly analyze the way she acted so as to unveil what else she was concealing.

_Maybe I'm just being paranoid_, Edward thought.

He thought that by giving Bella the benefit of the doubt, he was doing the right thing. Just because one vision had been proved valid, it didn't guarantee the accuracy of the other cryptic flashbacks. Perhaps, he had been so tired that his mind decided to formulate those silly scenarios in a silent parody of himself.

"You're quiet," Bella said as she walked up to him. Pressing up against him as she kissed his lips, Edward momentarily forgot about why he was standing there in the first place.

"Bella," he said, conflicted. "I need to ask you something."

"Okay. Shoot," Bella said, scanning Edward's eyes to find the source of his distress. She wanted to mentally prepare herself for what was about to come.

She was always so terribly fearful that he'd _remember_.

That he'd remember the hurtful things she'd once said to him.

That he'd remember discovering her destructive guilt.

That he'd remember the pain he felt before he drove away on that fateful highway.

Bella nervously shuffled her feet as Edward gathered his thoughts. She felt her tongue grow dry and her lips become very chapped.

"Why didn't you tell me about the fights that we had in the bedroom?" Edward asked. "The baby..."

"I didn't know if you wanted to know," Bella sighed tensely.

"Don't lie to me, Bella," Edward said, gazing intensely at his wife. "I know you better than yourself."

"No, you don't," Bella yelled, joining together a scream and a cry. "You knew me once... but then we changed, Edward. We became different people."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked frantically. Bella was opening up to him, urging him to continue this new development. "Your favorite color is yellow. You hate it when people beat you in chess. You love reading science magazines just as much as you love Austen."

"You're just listing things about me that you've committed to memory," Bella said, shaking her head stubbornly.

"What else do you want me to do?" Edward asked with disbelief. "You know I'm doing my best to work on my memor-"

"It's not that Edward," Bella said, suddenly scared that Edward would fade away.

She wanted to preserve this version of him, even though she knew she'd love him in every form. But she desired this loving Edward Cullen. She missed him so dearly. Frenetically latching onto him, she spoke the next few words in a tearful plea.

"I'm scared that the memories will break us."

.

.

.


	17. Eclipse

**Lacunar**

**17\. ****Eclipse**

"Stop closing up on me, Bella," Edward demanded. He cringed at the animosity in his voice, fearing how similar he was acting to the man in the vision. "I'm sorry."

Bella sat down on the couch, next to Edward, sparking a sense of déjà vu as he recalled the first, graphical flashback eerily mirroring the current reality he was in. It felt as if his memories in the past and his memories in actuality were starting to become aligned, causing a great darkness to descend as a solar eclipse formed in the sky.

"Tell me what happened that night," Edward urged, holding onto Bella's hands for support. "Please."

Bella shook her head, knowing she was fighting a losing battle as tears sprung into her eyes. She knew she would never be able to go back from this. She wanted to pretend that everything was perfect. And for a while it did feel perfect.

She'd told Jasper to keep his distance but the fact that they still worked together made an awkwardness linger.

They constantly saw each other in the science staffroom, never able to escape the shadows of their past.

She didn't want to hurt her husband. She had never meant for any of it to happen. But everything had gradually morphed into an unrecognizable pile of affliction. They'd made all the mistakes of a typical couple that they'd promised to avoid.

The complaints and disagreements never seemed to stop, flowing continuously like their tears. They didn't require a change of batteries. The two of them were always charged, ready to go- head to head. It started off gentle but then it sped up, like their wedding dance. _Slow, slow, quick, quick._

Pillows were thrown.

Plates were smashed.

Something so beautiful about their marriage turned into a chaotic frenzy that Bella could only see through wet lashes and running mascara.

Edward would always be the first one to walk out of the room, choosing to run away from his problems instead of dealing with his wife's anguish.

She wanted to see him try.

She was tired of being the only one who was in love.

He thought of her as ungrateful and demanding. He worked with lawyers; he knew the calculating look behind everyone's eyes. It hurt him to see that in his wife's eyes.

Initially, he didn't oppose the baby-making. It was love-making to him. But soon, it became a race for her. She wanted deadlines and unreasonable goals. Edward never understood what got to his wife. He only wanted the old Bella back. The one who would listen to what he had to say before screaming and crying.

But just like his wife, he couldn't see the man he was becoming.

His own father.

He had always promised Bella that he would never choose work over his family life. He knew that that was what his father did, following the death of Esme. Edward forgave his father for his mistakes but he would never forget the hurt he suffered as a kid. He felt happier to have his maids at his wedding than Carlisle.

However, by diving into his work, Edward was able to cowardly escape his duties at home. He grew more intolerant of his wife, permitting self-righteousness to take over reason. He spent more time in his study than in the bedroom. His work followed him wherever he went. But he always managed to justify his actions.

He blamed Bella for everything that went wrong in his life.

He blamed her for forgetting what love was meant to feel like.

"Be more of a man," Bella would scream. "Stop being so self-centered."

"You're pathetic," Edward would yell back. "I don't even know why I married you."

That was what hurt the most.

That was how everything hurt the most.

The words that they would scream at each other were not supposed to mean anything in the heat of the moment but ultimately, it was the empty hurt that catalyzed the demolition of their marriage.

.

.

.


	18. Error

**Lacunar**

**18\. ****Error**

Bella knew she would never forget the sight of Edward on that hospital bed, when she'd first seen him after the crash. She had been so scared to approach him but when he'd displayed no signs of remembering what had happened so many hours ago, she thought of it as a baptism.

It felt as if their past errors were diminished into nothing but the hazy fragments of an exposed roll of film.

For the first few weeks after Edward was allowed to return home, she couldn't stop looking at her husband.

He was like a new man.

He was the man who she'd married.

During the first few nights, Bella found the experience to be completely overwhelming. Edward would treat her with so much love that she didn't know how else to repay him. The heavy burden of guilt that constantly burnt her skin caused her to run to the bathroom many times, to liberate the tears.

But Edward proved to be flawlessly observant.

Bella knew she had to be careful with her emotions. She didn't want to unnecessarily frighten her husband who was already dealing with the pains of his own recovery. She made sure to only let out her sobs when he wasn't around. That usually resulted in Bella crying when Edward was in the shower.

She'd cry twice as hard when his singing could be heard. Not because it was bad; although, it wasn't terribly good, either.

But because everything about him reminded her of why she had fallen in love with him.

His gentleness.

His care.

She'd experienced more love with her husband in the past three and a half months than all the seasons of the previous year, combined. But Bella knew how selfish she was being. She'd made bad choices. She had to face them.

She couldn't sweep everything under the carpet.

Edward had transformed into an unrecognizable man. Cold, distant, complicated. She'd loved him and loved him but she found herself getting lost on her usual path. Instead, she faced a dead-end. She didn't know what to do. She felt her emotions carry her to illogical places. But they made so much sense at the time.

It was of temporary comfort. And that temporary comfort expanded into months of friendship and attachment.

But no matter how many times her wings were mended by the craftsmanship of another man, it never erased her errors.

"I can't do this anymore," Bella remembered whispering into the phone. "I can't even believe I let this happen."

"We didn't do anything wrong. We both know that. Everything was platonic... we just _grew_ closer than we thought."

Bella had cried harder when she heard Jasper's raspy voice, reminding her of the bloody nose that he'd received because of her. She blamed herself interminably.

She remembered the jacket that she'd left behind at school, which brought him to her house.

She remembered the punch.

She remembered her husband driving away.

What had injured her the most was the fact that throughout all the screaming and tears, Edward never took off his wedding ring. Even when he found himself in a state of shock. Even as he drove away with red-rimmed eyes and a clenched jaw. He had been wearing his band of utmost faithfulness, as if to ridicule Bella of all that she'd failed to accomplish.

She remembered collapsing onto the road behind his speeding car.

She wondered if he spared her a second glance through the rear-view mirror.

Like a stack of broken bones tied together with a broken heart, she was unable to stand up.

.

.

.


	19. Clean

**Lacunar**

**19\. ****Clean**

"I don't understand," Edward said slowly, after she was finished. He was dumbfounded. "I don't-"

"Our marriage was breaking apart," Bella stated sadly. "The past few months have been some of the best ones in so long. It made me realize just how stupid and selfish I truly was, to want to keep this version of you with me forever."

"So, you prevented me from remembering," Edward said with accusation in his eyes. "You wanted this fresh version of me so that I couldn't feel angry about what you did."

"I couldn't help it," Bella said, croaking. "I loved you too much to let you experience all of that again."

"No," Edward said forcefully. "You loved yourself too much. You didn't want to relive all of that. It was _you_ who cheated. I wasn't the one who had the affair. Even though I can't remember everything that I've done, I'm now apologizing for the way I've mistreated you. I must have been _horrible_... for you to even consider another guy."

"Edward, it wasn't like that," Bella said, sobbing. "It wasn't physical-"

"You just said that we hadn't made proper love except to satisfy your needs of getting pregnant," Edward yelled as he ran his fingers through his hair. "How am I supposed to believe that you hadn't found passion in the arms of another man?"

"Because you know I'd never do that to you," Bella pleaded. "I loved you... so much."

Edward took notice of her using past tense.

"It wasn't physical," Bella said. "I promise you. That's the truth. He was just a friend. He helped me during the months when you'd hardly looked at me. When we'd have sex, you would close your eyes. You always looked pained... to even look at me."

"But you cheated-"

"I'm so sorry," Bella cried, shaking her head as the tears flowed from their threshold.

Edward struggled with himself to grasp this new reality that Bella had finally handed him.

"I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for what I did to you," Bella sobbed as hiccups escaped from her lips. "I would do anything to change what I did. You don't know how much I hate myself. Every day."

Edward wanted to wipe away Bella's tears, deleting her self-disparagement. But in this exact moment, he couldn't help but hate the way he loved his wife. He hated the way his heart shattered into a million pieces, just to see her admit to her mistakes.

He hated the way Bella made him feel.

He hated how his mind couldn't let go of Bella, choosing to conserve all the happy memories he'd had with her.

It was his mind that had ultimately fooled him. It betrayed him, tricking Edward into chasing after his suppressed memories- only to end up taunting him with just how treacherous they were.

"Selective memory poses as a way for our mind to defend itself," Jenks had once told Edward as sunlight seeped in through the hospital windows. "By creating _lacunas_, which are gaps in our memory, they act as blind spots to help generate blanks over events that are the most excruciating."

.

.

.


	20. Binary

**Lacunar**

**20\. ****Binary**

"I hate myself, everyday," Bella whimpered, trying to hold onto Edward's arm as he shook her off.

"I can't even look at my own wife," he responded dryly.

He didn't know if he was captured in a contagious loop of indomitable melancholia or if he felt somewhat relieved to know the truth, albeit in a very twisted way.

"What's his name?" Edward asked. She had conveniently forgotten to give the faceless man a name.

Bella told him the events of the night. She debriefed him on the quality of their relationship from a year and a half ago. She spoke with a shaky voice and even shakier hands. Edward had clutched onto her, keen to learn everything.

But as the efflux of emotional words floated out from Bella's mouth, Edward started to mark his distance as understanding hit him to the bone. He cautiously moved away- first losing contact with her hand before standing up to face the pot plant in the corner of their living room.

"You're not going to punch him like last time," Bella sniffled.

"Why are you defending him?" Edward yelled with a scowl, unwilling to look at Bella's expression.

However, giving in to his sudden impulse, he walked up to Bella. He saw the helplessness on her face magnify until all he discerned were the wet tracks on her cheeks and the bloodshot patterns in her eyes.

He caused her to cry like this.

He caused her to become this mess.

"Why did you do it?" Edward asked quietly. "Why did you not talk to me?"

"You don't understand, Edward. You'll never remember who you were back then," Bella cried listlessly. "I mean, you didn't _want _to remember because even for you, it's too distressing to recall. I couldn't talk to you back then. You were _gone_. You were the unhappiest man, tied to a marriage he didn't want anymore."

"I could never... _never_ not want you," Edward said, feeling his heart lurch in his chest. "I don't know what I said back then, but I would've still loved you. I know I would have. In any time frame. In any era. There will never be a version of history where I, Edward Cullen, won't love you."

"I have loved you. I still do. And I always will," Bella said, crying as she slipped onto the carpeted floor. "I just lost where I was going. We were having so many problems with our relationship. For the first time in six years of our marriage, things were totally out of our control. We always thought we could read each other, like soul-mates looking into a mirror. I guess, when that gradually faded, we forgot how to appreciate each other. Just for who we are."

"It's so frustrating for me," Edward said bitterly, blinking away his tears. "Because it's like I'm talking to a stranger. It's as if _I'm_ a stranger too. You tell me all these horrendous things I've said to you... all of these things that I've failed to be, yet I don't remember any of it. All I remember is your smile. It's the first and last thing I see before I fall asleep."

"I still smile," Bella implored, attempting to highlight the hope that was still left between them.

"Well, you're definitely not smiling now," Edward spat with a shake of his head. "You're crying... because you've realized just how useless this all is. You tried to keep me oblivious, like a _mindless prisoner_, as a way to medicate the guilt in your stomach."

"I'm sorry," Bella cried, wiping her face. "I didn't know what to do. Everything was happening so fast. I thought I'd lost you. And with that, I lost myself. I didn't want to go back to that nightmarish world."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Edward said quietly, spinning back around so that he wouldn't break down at the sight of Bella wearing her heart on her sleeve. "As much as I don't want to love you anymore... as much as I don't want to love the very woman who gives me a purpose to stay alive, I still love you... so ardently, and so painfully."

Bella's tearful hiccups grew louder as she rocked back and forth.

"At the same time, I hate you," Edward whispered. "You've broken me for a second time, even though I begged for the truth. You've made me hate myself... for treating you so poorly, for neglecting you, for pushing you into the arms of another man. As much as I hate you, I hate myself so much more."

"I love you," Bella repeated woefully, knowing that futility was the only comfort she'd receive tonight. "It's impossible for me to feel otherwise."

Edward closed his eyes, unable to inhibit the escape of his lamenting tears. Doing what he always did best, Edward didn't look back as he walked out of the room, abandoning his crying wife.

.

.

.


	21. Hale

**Lacunar**

**21\. ****Hale**

A new text pinged on her phone.

She heard the sound but she didn't move to check what it said until an hour later. She knew she couldn't write him back. She didn't know what to do anymore. Not since Edward had left her again, to blow off more steam.

Though this time, he sarcastically reassured her that he wouldn't be on the highway, driving into the night until he'd lose control of the wheel.

Bella inhaled a deep gulp of air before she glimpsed at her phone.

_I have something to tell you_, the text read.

_You shouldn't be texting me_, she typed robotically.

Clicking on the green button that would send her text, she knew whatever Jasper wanted to tell her could wait until the next time she'd see him. They worked together- five days a week, at the high school that held so many memories for Edward and Bella. The weekend was certainly going to fly by in the blink of an eye. She also had a lot on her plate, right now.

_It's important. I think you should know_, a new one read.

Bella sighed as she contemplated the possible reasons behind his texts.

A sudden wave of despair washed over her. Why did anything matter anymore? She didn't know when Edward was going to return. He left the previous night, most likely to spend some alone time at a motel.

"I'm the one to blame," Bella whispered to herself.

It was a phrase that she'd said over and over again. She knew Edward had his flaws. But it was her who had stepped over the line. She wondered if she had deliberately overlooked things. Perhaps, Edward hadn't known how to act. Maybe he felt helpless; maybe his sperm did too.

There had been a time, during the deficiency of veracity, that gave rise to many unhealthy thoughts in Bella's mind. She'd silently questioned his fidelity, wondering why he was acting the way he did. Insecurity was an infectious feeling. She'd press her ear against the door of his study, every time he'd take a call. But all of them were professional.

There had never been a leak- not once. Not a single slip-up. She knew she was only fooling herself. She was ashamed to even suspect anything, not when she found herself blushing at the new chemistry teacher, a few days later.

He reminded her of someone.

"Jasper Hale," he'd introduced himself. Bella shook his hand, like the rest of the teachers as he walked around the staffroom. He gave her a shy grin, just before she looked away.

As time went on, Bella and Jasper shared more than a staffroom. They shared more than a common interest in learning and teaching. They looked beyond their scientific articles and their excitement over new discoveries.

They shared a friendship. One that never seemed to stop growing.

He knew that she was married, responding with appropriate respect. He never made any ill-suited advances, even though his mind and his body had different opinions. He only offered her the comfort of a dear friend. But slowly, Bella started to find more intimacy between Jasper and herself than the marriage that awaited her at home. Little, white lies extended her stay in the blissful bubble.

She smiled more when she was at school.

She laughed more when she was with him.

He was the first person she spoke to, whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on.

She romanticized many of his traits; wishing and wishing... before coming to her senses.

As Edward would greet Bella with silence on most occasions, Jasper would give her a hug and a mug of coffee. She never invited him over to her house. She found the atmosphere to be too depressing. Instead, they worked hard to decimate the loneliness in Jasper's place. And it worked.

They filled it with laughter, liquidating an acute awareness of the inevitable.

Even though Jasper knew the troubles of her marriage, he still wanted her to stay optimistic. And for that to happen, she always chose to stay by him. He reminded her of the man she'd fallen in love with, a long time ago. One who she still loved.

But idealistic, wishful desires were the consolation that rocked her to sleep, battling away the unhappy reality of her home. She dreamed about Jasper's warmth and his encouraging attitude. She dreamed about the merriment that was alive in his eyes. She wished for another pair to have the same look. But such hope wavered with every fight that followed, forcing Bella to look away- fearful of the result.

As she spent more and more time with Jasper Hale, the hole in her heart started to grow smaller and smaller.

.

.

.


	22. Direction

**Lacunar**

**22\. ****Direction**

She drove to his house, which was a couple of blocks away but still along the beach. She wondered if she was making a huge mistake in paying him a visit. The last time she'd been there, everything was still in the bag. The cat hadn't managed to get out, just yet.

As she slowly climbed out of the car, she considered jumping back into the driver's seat and speeding away.

"Bella," Jasper greeted as he pushed open the screen door.

_Too late_, she thought.

"I'm glad you came," Jasper said, walking down the stairs of his porch.

"This better be good," Bella muttered before following him inside.

She crossed her arms across her chest as she shivered in the sweater she wore. It was nightfall and a calming breeze found its way into Jasper's house.

"There's something I haven't told you," Jasper said as he sat down on a chair. Bella took a seat opposite him, with the dining table situated between them. It mocked them with the transience of their time together, echoing with memories of what used to be. "I met Edward at the store, last week."

"What?"

"He was buying groceries," Jasper continued. "Bumped into him in the cereal section."

"Did he say anything?" Bella asked.

The familiar chills of shame washed over Bella as she realized just how secretive this meeting with Jasper was. It made everything feel terribly scandalous. They were discussing her husband as if _he_ was the man outside of their marriage. As if he was a paramour. Dishonorable didn't even cut it.

"He didn't recognize me, Bella," Jasper said with a look of confusion. "You didn't tell me he couldn't remember anything."

"It's because he does remember things," she stated. "Just not us. Not the lies that shielded our time together."

"So he only remembers certain things," Jasper said thoughtfully.

"He remembers things that aren't gut-wrenching for him," Bella sighed miserably. "He was so broken when he found out. He looked like he was suffocating. Before he got into a brawl with you... he was almost catatonic. He couldn't stop whispering that he loved me and how he never realized what a cruel monster he'd turned into.

"We spent hours crying before anger seemed to hit him, just like the way it should have," she went on, rubbing her hands over her face. "I should have never gotten close to you. I've managed to hurt you both... I was-"

"Bella," Jasper whispered achingly, touching her hands before she instinctively pulled them away. "You're the best thing that's happened to me. I would have treated you so much better than him. I would have _listened_ to you."

"Jasper, don't do this," Bella protested. "We were friends... friends who, unfortunately, got too close because one of us was too ungrateful in her marriage-"

"And the other one knew what real love felt like, even though it'd felt so forbidden," Jasper finished, staring meaningfully into Bella's eyes. "You bring life to this place. I feel _whole _when I'm with you."

"Stop, Jasper," she pleaded drearily.

"Remember all the fun times we had when we cooked in there," Jasper said, pointing to the pots that dangled above the kitchen island. "Remember the jokes and stories we shared on that couch. You became my best friend within a few weeks. You became the woman of my dreams within a few months. I told myself I'd wait for you. And I did."

"You can't do this," Bella cried, standing up and walking away from the table.

Jasper's agility displayed its usefulness when he sprang up to block her path of escape.

"I can," he said, tenderly stroking her cheek as she gritted her teeth. She turned her head away. "Because I love you. I love you more than he does and you know it. There was a reason why you always ran to me. It's because I can make you feel things... without even touching you. Though, you have no idea how much I've thought about it. I'm surprised I haven't gone insane with the amount of jealousy that is pumping in my veins."

"You don't love me," Bella whispered fearfully. "You can't, because I still love my husband. I _love_ Edward."

"You can't tell your heart who to love," Jasper spoke softly. Bella remained frozen, as if sculpted from ice. "That's why life is so unfair because unrequited love is what I feel, every single day."

.

.

.


	23. Melt

**Lacunar**

**23\. ****Melt**

It took a moment for Bella to realize what was happening.

Something soft and wet was pressed against her lips. All she could see was a mop of shaggy, blond hair and a passionate frown on the face in front of her. As she came to the shocking understanding that Jasper was kissing her, Bella recoiled as far away as she could.

"Don't you ever do that again," Bella hissed angrily, gasping for breath. "I knew I shouldn't have come here."

"I love you," Jasper whispered, with a forlorn look. "I have loved you at your worst. And I will always love you at your best. I love you for who you are, Bella."

"I'm not doing this," Bella said as she ran out of Jasper's house.

This time, he didn't stop her.

Bella sprinted to her car before pushing down the gas pedal to make a hasty getaway from the house that contained too many haunting memories of a time when she'd forgotten who she really was.

There had been a brief moment in her life when she'd entertained the idea of Edward having all the qualities of Jasper. She thought about it many times, wondering why the man who she returned home to couldn't have been Jasper. She raised her arms in hopes for succor, wanting it to be Edward's green eyes that made her smile and giggle. She wished for it to be Edward's bronze hair that tickled her neck, whenever she hugged him.

Driving back to her place, tears fell down Bella's cheek, as they often would.

Jasper didn't deserve it. He'd been nothing but a good colleague. A good friend. One that Bella took advantage of, in order to soothe her own broken heart.

She knew she loved Edward- forever and ever- but she had inadvertently led Jasper on. She hadn't felt so wanted in so long. He taught her how to be herself again. He taught her that hope was an evergrowing tree. He taught her that she was worthy in this world- that she was valuable.

Blinking away her tears, Bella slowly came to a realization.

Jasper hadn't been the first one to teach her all of those.

It had been Edward.

He was her knight in shining armor. He'd been her first and her everything. But as their marriage endured torrential floods and howling winds, she found herself forgetting everything that had once mattered. She slowly forgot all the good that he did for her.

She only focused on what _she_ wanted.

She treated him like nothing but a soulless husband.

It was her who didn't follow through with the vows.

Bella exited the car and walked up to the front door, catching sight of the swinging chair on the porch. She remembered making out on that wooden furniture- every morning- whilst the paperboy would routinely whistle at them.

Biting back a sob, Bella entered the house, breathing in the emptiness that permeated the place she'd once called home. She wondered where Edward was. What was he doing?

His own memories of his wife had chased him away.

His mind had attempted to lock it away from him, but due to the mesmerizing nature of chance, he was blessed with visions of flashbacks. They effectively opened a portal for him, granting him access to all the stages of their relationship.

It had been a snow fight that escalated too quickly.

Becoming an avalanche that was too colossal to stop.

Bella wondered if she would ever find her heart again as it was frozen underneath all that icy snow.

But as she looked up, she realized that the sun came quicker than anticipated. It melted away the snow and allowed her a better chance to regain her footing. She saw the once hidden grass and small indications of a new spring.

She felt her lips part and her eyes widen, not knowing what to do next.

"Edward," she breathed.

He was here.

.

.

.


	24. Fragile

**Lacunar**

**24\. ****Fragile**

"I want to know everything," he said, not giving her the chance to utter another word. "I want to know why. Why did I change?"

"I've already told you everything," Bella claimed. "That period of time wasn't pleasant for me so I tried forgetting it... just as badly as you are trying to remember it."

"Tell me why I turned so heartless, Bella," Edward pleaded. "I can't imagine not loving you. Treating you like dirt. What happened between us?"

"It was both of us to blame," Bella said wistfully. "Though, more blame on me."

"What do you mean? Tell me what I did wrong... please."

"You became closer to your father, who you detested for a long time," Bella spoke softly as they moved to the living room. "In a flurry of ambition, you set yourself new goals. You wanted to please people. Competition and winning became your endless solar power. You forgot that I didn't need to be pleased. I was madly in love with you, already."

"What were your goals?" Edward asked, trying to stay on task.

"To start a family," Bella replied with tenderness. "To be an affectionate partner and a loving mother. But I couldn't be that caring mother... I wasn't feminine enough. I felt useless and unwanted. I wondered why everyone around me could fall pregnant, but not me. People who didn't even want children... I didn't understand.

"With your long hours at work and your apathetic attitude, it worsened my emotions. I became blunter with my words, even though I was just a blubbering attention-seeker inside. I stopped valuing your feelings; I felt like I was the victim. Hypocrisy became my invisible friend as I demanded for you to be what I couldn't."

"When did you start seeing..."

"It would have been eight months ago if we count back from the day of the accident," Bella said, looking down.

Edward let out a whoosh of air as he thought about the amount of time his wife would have spent with _that _man. A furious surge of envy flooded his bloodstream as he wondered how they could have let everything deteriorate so quickly.

He hadn't expected all of this.

His subconsciousness hadn't been eager to remember the destruction he'd left behind whilst he maneuvered onto the highway, that night- fleeing like a coward.

As he allowed regret to deliver the agonizing blows to his stomach, he found himself being curious about something else. Edward narrowed his eyes as he looked at Bella. "Where were you, just then?"

She let out a shaky gasp, being caught off guard. She didn't know what to say to her husband. Nothing would bring him comfort, not even admitting that she hadn't been with Jasper for months. She'd kept her distance and limited their conversations.

Everything had plateaued.

Until tonight.

"You were with him," Edward whispered brokenly, shaking his head in a plea to wake up from the hell that he was ensnared in. "Why... why do you keep doing this to me? Am I that evil of a man?"

"H-he told me he wanted to tell me something," Bella begged, searching for words in her unhelpfully dry throat. "I don't love him, Edward. Not the way I am in love with you."

"You are a liar, Bella," Edward roared, walking around the room until he stared at the outside world through the window.

It was dark, murky and rainy.

His eyes refocused from the droplets of rain to Bella in the reflection of the glass. She hung her head as sobs shook her body.

"You obviously love him, because you kept him away from me, like a dear secret that you held close to your heart even when your own husband was struggling to regain segments of his memory. You chose _him _over me."

"It's never been like that, Edward. I'll always choose you-"

"It's a little too late now, isn't it?" Edward stated with an impassive expression. Bella glimpsed at his compressed lips, witnessing the way he constantly fought his inner battles. "How can we ever go back to who we once were? I can't remember who I've become. And you can't forget the monster inside of me."

"All I know is that I love you," Bella whispered, feeling hope trickle down the drain with every teardrop that slipped away. "I love my husband. And I pray that he'll find it in his heart to forgive me, one day."

Deep down inside, Edward's heart shattered into a million pieces, like fragile china on a marble floor.

.

.

.


	25. Collapse

**Lacunar**

**25\. ****Collapse **

He didn't argue with her when she offered to move out, even though he wanted to ask her an assortment of nosy questions.

Where was she going?

Would she be by herself?

She quietly packed her necessities, stating it would be easier this way as he was still recuperating. He wasn't sure as to what she was referring to- recovering from his sore muscles or his broken heart. It pained him to see the woman he had thought he would spend the rest of his life with bring two suitcases to her car before driving off, giving an awkward wave through the window.

It singed his heart to see her go.

He wanted to stand up and chase after her. He wanted to erase everything that had gone wrong in their relationship and redo it.

He wanted to fall in love with her again.

This time, he knew he would do it right.

Edward wandered around the house that they'd shared since they were married. It had never felt this _big_ before. Edward felt like an ant in a glass container as the vastness of his own isolation swallowed him whole. He grew angry as the second hand on the clock kept ticking, reminding him that time couldn't be tampered with.

He wanted her to come back.

He wanted to have his life back.

Yet at the same time, he couldn't believe what he'd done to her. He didn't deserve her love; he didn't deserve his wife. All he ever wanted was to please the stunning brunette who he'd married.

But they had each chased their individual dreams- one for masculinity and the other for femininity, with neither of them being successful. In the aftermath of their destruction, the intermolecular forces between them had been broken.

He considered calling his father, to scream at him and ask why he pressured his son to become a different man. He knew he wanted to study law ever since he was a young child who looked up to his exceptional father. But Edward struggled to find reasons as to how he could have possibly chosen his career over his wife. Surely, Bella's issues with fertility couldn't have been the only catalyst.

Had his father threatened him?

Had Bella threatened him?

Perhaps, he was threatened by his own insecurities.

Edward placed his hand on the phone as he struggled between his desire to grab his father by the collar, demanding for answers, and his want for Bella to return. Why did he even let her go? They were supposed to raise a family here.

It was big enough for the dream that they both shared.

"How am I supposed to move forward?" Edward asked the pitiful reflection that stared back at him.

He had bags under his eyes and an overcast of sadness spreading across his features.

It was painful for him to be next to her, but it was also miserable for him to be away from her.

It seemed as if he couldn't exist with or without her.

She made him want to curl up and cry into the pillow. She made him want to pull at his hair. She made him want to punch his past self. But most of all, she made him wonder whether this was inevitable in the grand scheme of things.

Had they done everything wrong?

Perhaps, they were never meant to be and their time had simply run out.

"Tell me what to do," Edward begged, gasping into the empty air around him.

As he collapsed on the carpeted floor, he hoped for a salvation that would end his illimitable darkness.

.

.

.


	26. Reminisce

**Lacunar**

**26\. ****Reminisce**

Bella sat on the unimaginative quilt, hearing the bed springs groan from its lack of use. She looked around the dusty place. She wondered if Edward had been here when he'd left in an angry hurry. A stinging bitterness crawled up her nose as she held back a sob, clamping a hand over her mouth in order to silence her treacherous sniffles. The onslaught of emotional recollections offered her no mercy.

She'd never felt so lost.

For months, it'd felt like the coexistence of two strangers.

It seemed as if they were ghosts who knew each other's secrets but had run out of breath to tell the tale.

"He'll come around, Bella," Jasper had told her as he stirred the soup.

"I just want my husband back," Bella had cried, looking at him for help.

Every time an insecurity poisoned her health, Jasper would nurse her back. He'd tell her that it wasn't because she was unattractive or inattentive. He'd tell her that it wasn't because she was a determined wife or a focused teacher.

He'd simply state that her husband was a fool.

As Bella's phone always rang- exactly on the dot- she'd look apologetically at Jasper as she picked up the call.

"I have to go home now," Bella would say. "I'm sorry."

Often, Jasper looked at her, smiling understandingly before he'd walk her out. She'd drive back to her house and greet her husband as if nothing had happened. He always called to ask if she would make it for dinner and strangely enough, she was compelled to never miss a meal with him, even when Jasper sat alone at his own dinner table, wishing for her hasty departures to never occur.

She couldn't understand why her husband struggled to find words to say when she was in his company, as if he was disgusted by her wicked presence. Yet he called her every day, to ask about their dinner plans. Bella knew it was the hope inside her chest- for a better tomorrow- that would always lead her back to her Edward's heart.

Every night, she wished dinner would play out differently.

They used to snuggle up together as they fed each other food.

They used to hold each other's hands, over the table top, while they ate.

After dinner, they'd sit in the living room to read. Occasionally, the couch would groan with frustration at the couple's eagerness to have each other. Making love had to be their all-time favorite thing to do.

As Bella tried to shake her thoughts away from the past, she grew cold. She missed the radiating happiness she was showered in, once. Staring into the empty, motel room, she deliberated if this was what her life had come to.

Was this the end?

Would the divorce papers follow?

A teardrop slipped down her chin and onto her hand, making her look at the ring that she still wore. She remembered the touch of his fingers as he slid it on. She remembered the cheers from the crowd. She remembered the way he looked at her as she blushed from behind her veil. They'd kissed for so long that people started to groan impatiently.

It was her happiest memory.

And her greatest accomplishment.

She remembered thinking of building her dream house as she watched the night lights fly by her car window. Edward held her hand as they were driven to the airport, embarking on a new chapter of their married life- the honeymoon.

Then, the house came. The decorating followed quickly. Traveling across continents took up their spare time as the photographs multiplied and the smiles doubled. They both worked healthy hours and spent weekends together- doing nothing but loving.

But suddenly, things just started to go haywire. One thing after another, effort began vanish and cooperation disappeared without a trace. The road they'd been journeying on seemed to suddenly split apart- forming a fork- with a boulder in between.

He said.

She said.

There were no more 'we' and 'us' in sentences and in stories.

Whilst Edward found comfort in his work, Bella found comfort in another. But even though their hard facades managed to exceed their mutual hesitancy around each other, they never stopped wanting and they never stopped dreaming.

For a better tomorrow.

.

.

.


	27. Descent

**Lacunar**

**27\. ****Descent **

Edward stared at the boxes in the attic.

There were so many and they hadn't even grown old yet. He convinced himself to sift through the mementos of their life together, knowing he had all the time in the world. As he opened up one box after the other, he found himself traveling back in time.

He looked at his college books, smiling as he pinned down the curled-up corners. He saw Bella's notes and some of her papers. He looked at the scrapbooks that they'd made for each other, when they were in high school.

He even found a few mixtapes at the bottom of one box. But he placed them aside, figuring it would be too painful to play to an empty house.

As Edward unraveled the physical evidence of his past, he wasn't able to intercept the misery that flowed through him. He was happy and sad. Elated but nostalgic. He smiled at the younger photos of them together while he laughed at the ones where he pulled silly faces with her.

The anguish was palpable.

In one big, merciless gust of devastation, the air in his lungs was expelled.

Going downstairs to take a break from his expedition down memory lane, he took a few calming breaths as he distanced himself from the source of his distress. Even though he remembered most of it- as many were reminders of brighter days- he still found it excruciating to acknowledge that it was water under the bridge.

He sighed.

He hadn't meant anything to her when she turned away from their marriage, just like how he'd stopped prioritizing her for no good reason.

Weakly, Edward walked back to the attic. He noticed a spiral-bound book peeking out from a cardboard box. He hadn't gone through that one yet but patience was not on the agenda he followed today.

He lunged for the book as it left behind a whirlwind of levitating dust.

_B- You thought you'd be cheeky today, but I knew better. I could read you like an open, Christmas book as your fingers were crossed behind your back, tricking me into believing you had found your gifts a week early. Edward Cullen, you need to step up your game._

He knew what this was.

It was a book they'd written in- from time to time- as they ranted to each other through diary entries. It was a shared journal, and a therapeutic one, as it enabled them to talk to a silent mediator about their problems, as well as the admirable traits they found in each other.

_E- I loved the way your eyes grew big as you stared at the plane tickets in your hands. You couldn't believe what you were seeing, but I could. I was seeing the raw excitement of my beautiful wife. I knew this would be the perfect gift for you, seeing how you've never gone skiing before. I think I'm going to get a nice reward in bed tonight... right?_

Edward chuckled at his own words before flipping through the pages to skim over the other ones.

However, some entries caught his attention more than others.

_B- I'm still mad at you for beating me in chess. I know how stupid this sounds but, hey, I'm competitive at times, just like how you used to be so bossy during all those class projects. I'm sorry to have childishly ignored you for the whole day but I'm going to take a wild guess and say that my surprise for you tonight will totally make up for it. Oh, did I mention a red corset?  
_

_E- Your parents were in town today. I know you've never been close to your stepmom but Renee really tried to put in an effort. However, you shot her down. I talked to you about it and you came around, apologizing to her. I'm really proud of you, love, because I know I would've never done that if it had been my own father._

Edward kept flicking through the pages, wanting to see the exact point when everything went wrong. He wanted to know how he fell down the rabbit hole and never woke up again.

_B- You've changed a lot recently. I stare at your back more than your face. I don't know what else to say. I hope you see this, so you know what I feel. There are times when I don't even know how to properly convey things to you. I don't know if words are enough. But if it matters at all, I love you. Please come back to me._

_B- You haven't written in this for ages. I leave this on your desk, but it always lands on top of my pile of homework. I wonder if you still remember what's inside this book. I don't know what else you want me to do... for you to love me in the way I can't possibly stop loving you._

_B- It's been months and I'm tired. I don't know who else to go to. This book reminds me of the loneliness that has descended upon us. I'm talking to a thing that doesn't even say anything back... can you believe it? I'm ranting to a book that we once shared. I need help and I want you back. I want my husband back. I love you. Please don't lose your way._

_B- I've called the adoption center a couple of times. I'm still having dreams of a colorful household. But I wonder if this is right. To raise a child under a decaying marriage. It wouldn't be fair. I'd only be a terrible mother, if not a useless wife already._

_B- I think today will be the last day I'll write in this. I guess it's like my final cry for help. The test was negative again. I've never felt so incompetent. I hate what I see in the mirror and I wonder if you do too. I wish I wasn't feeling like this. I wish I was more... satisfied... grateful. But __I fear that you've stopped loving me, and it breaks my heart. Every day. To think that I'm not enough.  
_

The tears in Edward's eyes blurred his vision until droplets of his suffocating desolation pelted down on to the ink of Bella's words.

Now, he finally knew.

.

.

.


	28. Moon

**Lacunar**

**28\. ****Moon**

Dull days drifted by Bella as she summoned all the strength in her body to maintain a genial facade.

She went to school like normal, smiling at her students and trying to avoid Jasper in the staffroom. Some days, she'd catch herself absently staring at the tiny bubbles in her coffee as she wondered if she had married too early.

Could Edward have furthered his career if he hadn't been so eager to marry his high school sweetheart?

Did she ruin his dreams?

Was she still ruining it now?

She'd been nothing but a heartbreak for him. She never gave him a chance, instead she chose to take the easy way out. She'd pretended that her life was perfect by fooling herself into thinking Jasper was Edward. She chose to see things from rose-tinted lenses as she basked in the warmth of a man who she deluded herself to be Prince Charming.

She'd once thought that she was good at pretending, good at blinding herself to see what she wanted to. But this time, it was harder. The rain felt real on her face and the hail fell hard across her skin. Every night as she slept alone in the dark, motel room, she wished for her husband's arms to wrap around her waist. She wanted his whispers on her neck and his kisses down her back.

She'd turn on the heater to trick herself into thinking that she was back at home.

Bella hadn't talked to him in nearly two weeks.

She often stared up at the moon, floating on her clouds of thoughts, as she wondered if he was gazing at the sky that they shared. She thought about his process of healing. Was he thinking of moving on? Perhaps he'd already cleared out the memories of them from the house.

She couldn't let him go but she wasn't selfish enough to hurt him anymore.

The scars on her heart tormented her everyday as she thought about the 'what if' scenarios in her life. She contemplated if there were any parallel universes and if the Bella in that time and place managed to get a happy ending.

Frequently, during the night, she'd find herself being illuminated by the glow of her cell phone as she desperately scrolled to see a photo of his face. She'd breathe a sigh of relief as she realized that she hadn't forgotten his distinctive features.

It'd felt like an eternity to her.

She didn't know what she could lose next.

But as she scrolled through her phone, she'd always stumble across a photo of Jasper. He would be baking, smiling or both. There were even ones of them hugging at work, during an annual, school event. Bella cried as she thought about the undeserving pain she gave Jasper. But also the torture she'd let Edward endure.

She became more airy when she was with him as she looked forward to her meetings with Jasper. She grew tired of her arguments with her husband and was quick to detect all of his weaknesses. She always sought to have a dose of laughter from Jasper afterwards.

It was as if he became the medication to her heartache.

She deliberated on where she would be if Jasper had never claimed his new job. She tried to picture a life without ever knowing a Jasper Hale.

Would her marriage have been naturally resolved?

Or would they still be two drifting ghosts on a road for the brokenhearted?

Bella hugged the quilt tighter. It held all of her broken pieces together as she listened to the occasional cars that would drive by the motel.

She was used to the cold.

.

.

.


	29. Thunder

**Lacunar**

**29\. ****Thunder**

When Jenks had asked Edward if he recovered any additional flashbacks, Edward was temporarily stunned by the overwhelming emotions he felt. He'd mumbled an evasive reply before leaving the hospital in a sullen mood.

Having read the journal that he shared with Bella, he realized he had gained a new perspective. Even though the memories in his head were hardly reliable, Edward knew he could finally see things from Bella's point of view. He felt like he always did; he just couldn't believe it until it was right in front of him.

She had been suffering miserably whilst he brushed off every attempt for help she'd made.

Edward wished he could view a video recording of his past self. Had he really been as heartless as Bella made him out to be?

From the first moment when Edward laid eyes on Bella, he knew she was the one. Many people around him perceived it to be an amusing joke, especially one made up by a naive teenager. But as the years went on, they were more in love than ever.

They preferred to spend quality time together, instead of getting wasted on their free Saturdays.

They knew how to make each other laugh, turn each other on and love each other until both of them were breathless romantics under the bed sheets.

Edward yawned, feeling a drowsiness wash over him. He was intoxicated by an abundance of emotions to individually name. He grew fretful as he thought about the black hole in his head, sucking away his previous nightmares. It was in that split nanosecond of being wide awake and terribly tired that Edward realized he'd never wanted a perfect relationship.

He didn't want his mind to hide itself behind a curtain of false happiness.

He didn't want to be scared anymore. He wanted to face the mistakes that he'd made. He wanted his old life back, no matter how imperfect it was.

Because it contained the one person he loved.

There was a part of him that always trusted her- that always believed what she said about only loving him. He didn't know if it was simply wishful thinking or a display of his intuition.

But he was aware that emotions and instincts were a complicated matter.

He stopped knowing how to show his feelings, a long time ago, until he miraculously hit his head and wiped out everything he had ever wanted to forget. It was as if the world was giving him a chance to walk away from his past errors, leaving behind a clean slate.

His heart ached for the Bella in those diary entries.

He wondered if she could ever forgive him.

As Edward let down his guard and allowed his mind to relax, he noticed different things about himself. He constantly felt that love should be earned, whether it was the love he'd receive from Bella or the fatherly respect he desired from Carlisle.

The rain gutter creaked as a lightning strike signaled the arrival of an epiphany. Edward's eyes were lit up intermittently from the storm outside as he became aware of his undoing.

A thunderous clap resounded, shaking the walls of the lonesome house.

He must have overworked himself after Bella's desire to start a family surfaced. He felt as if it was his duty to support his wife and their future children. As the pressure from his home life multiplied, Edward was consoled by the fact that he was actively providing for his family-to-be.

By switching off his emotions, he was able to surprisingly please his own father with his ruthless dedication to being a top lawyer. But even he knew he didn't need the money. Edward had been born into wealth. Working just made him feel industrious.

He'd pretend not to see the emotional outbursts of his confused wife but from time to time, he couldn't help the tears that escaped his troubled eyes. However, he was convinced that he could sculpt their paths flawlessly.

So he'd wake up with a purpose and zealously work around the clock.

Until time had tripped him over, forcing him to realize that he was too late.

.

.

.


	30. Future

**Lacunar**

**30\. ****Future **

"You need to sleep more," Jasper said worriedly.

"I'm fine," she responded.

The muffled chattering alongside the coffee machine filled the staffroom as teachers went in and out, gathering materials for their next class.

"You're not fine," Jasper said, pulling on her elbow until she whirled around to face him.

"Don't touch me," Bella hissed, looking around the room. "Whatever we had between us... whatever you think we had, it's over."

"Are you saying this to make yourself feel better?"

She glared at him. Smugness danced in the light blue eyes of a man she'd once thought she liked more than her own husband.

"How dare you-"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I just want you to talk to me," Jasper said in a hushed voice. "Tell me what's wrong. Don't bottle it up."

"I'm not so sure you're the person I should be talking to," Bella grumbled. "I can see this hopefulness in your eyes. I caught a glimpse of it in my own reflection once. But Jasper- I'm begging you- please drop this. You're only going to spoil it."

"So that's what you want," Jasper whispered. "You want to erase me from your life. From your memory. You want to deceive yourself by _pretending _that the best few months of your life had never happened. I _saved _you, Bella. I saved you from disappearing forever."

"I can't thank you enough for what you've done," Bella said quietly. "But it doesn't change anything."

"Stay with me," Jasper offered with a pleading look. "Leave him and come with me. You know I can make you happy for the rest of your life. You won't be sad every day. We can move to a fresh place... get new identities. We can travel the world. We can be _happy_."

The urgency of the affection in Jasper's voice brought Bella shivers as she realized just how twisted her reality was. She pictured another woman saying the exact same thing to Edward, begging for him to elope with her. Bella blinked rapidly, seeing blinding flashes of ire before she was reminded of the fact that _he _wasn't the one in this current situation.

She was.

A part of her was relieved to feel a deep sense of empathy wash over her as she visualized the pain Edward would have felt after learning about her emotional affair. Little did Bella know, Edward had also reached a similar point of understanding as he sat in the empty house. He'd realized that responsibility was to be shared equally, between his wife and himself.

He had pushed her away.

She was only trying to climb back.

Bella stared into Jasper's eyes and felt a noiseless vacuum sucking away all the happiness that she'd experienced with Jasper as the seriousness of the situation dawned on her. Instead of Edward lying on the hospital bed, she pictured herself in his place. Shock pounded through her veins as she tried to relive the deceit Edward would have felt due to her withholding precious memories.

She imagined herself in Edward's shoes.

Even though they were too big for her, she knew they were the only pair she wanted to be in.

"No," Bella stated firmly. "I'm not going to do that to him. We are married. _He_ is my husband. And I will always love him."

Bella didn't remember walking out of the staffroom.

She also didn't remember telling the front office that she was feeling sick and needed the rest of the day off.

All she remembered was driving back home.

To the one person who mattered.

.

.

.


	31. Key

**Lacunar**

**31\. ****Key**

Bella stood in front of the door, not knowing what to do.

She had the keys in her pocket but she also felt very alienated from the place, as if she wasn't meant to be paying Edward a visit. Knocking gently, she waited for a response.

Silence.

_He probably doesn't want to see me_, she thought.

Bella walked towards her car and contemplated the endless possibilities for Edward not to have answered the door.

What if he was in the shower?

What if he had taken a stroll down the beach?

_I'm already here_, she told herself encouragingly.

Racing up the stairs to the front porch, she slid her key into the lock and quietly pushed open the door. Bella looked around the place. It was exactly the same as she remembered. She was about to walk upstairs, like a trespasser in broad daylight, when from her peripheral vision, she noticed a sleeping figure on the couch.

She moved over to Edward- careful not to wake him. He looked peaceful. There were no harsh lines on his face. There was no stress or suspicion furrowed in his brows.

He was the boy who'd asked her out to their high school dance.

He was the boy who'd stolen her heart and never gave it back.

He was the boy who became her soul-mate.

Bella tried to hold back her sobs as she yearned to touch him. She forced herself to keep her hands by her side. But she was suddenly stricken with grief when she saw what Edward was holding to his chest. She sank to her knees; the tears were relentless.

It was the diary that they'd written in- back and forth.

They didn't want to make all the typical mistakes of a married couple. So they took life into their own hands. They vowed to value each other's thoughts and disagreements. They spoke to each other through journal entries when it was too hard to say out loud.

It was the one thing that kept Bella sane but it had also failed her.

Edward groaned as he opened his eyes. He blinked away the grogginess while Bella sat frozen on the floor next to him. She felt like a thief being caught red-handed. The adrenaline in her body told her to flee the scene but her limbs chose to listen to her heart instead.

Her heart was there.

Under the duvet and inside the sleepy man.

"Bella," Edward breathed. "Am I dreaming?"

He'd been rereading the diary. He found it difficult to shrug off the boulder on his shoulders, wondering if he could ever make things right again.

"I wasn't trying to hide that scrapbook-journal thing from you," Bella mumbled, glancing at the guilty item.

"No, no. It's okay," Edward said quickly as he sat up. He wanted to touch her cheeks and wipe away the tears that always seemed to be there whenever she faced him.

"You've read it all," Bella stated, eyes glued to the worn-out book. "I'd totally forgotten about that thing. Some of the stuff in there is pure fluff. But the others... I'm embarrassed to even think-"

"I love you," Edward croaked, ungracefully tumbling off the couch and kneeling beside Bella.

She sucked in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you, Bella. I'm so sorry for the way I put my feelings before yours. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I should have sat next to you as you did the pregnancy tests. I should have held your hand and-"

Bella cut off Edward's rambling by pressing her lips to his. Tears streamed down her face as Edward felt her sadness being absorbed into his skin. He wanted to take away pain. Guilt.

He wanted to unknot her troubles and tie her back into the pretty bow she was, before.

"I forgave you a long time ago," Edward whispered, weeping alongside his wife. He stroked her face tenderly. "I know that because my brain was trying to prevent me from remembering my _own_ mistakes. The trauma I put you through... it was all because of me. I detested that version of myself so I wiped it away. I deleted a collection of unfavorable events, especially from when things started to go wrong. It was gut-wrenching for the both of us."

"I'll make it up to you," Bella said as she rested her forehead against his.

"Did you not hear a word of what I just said?" Edward asked, concerned. "I'm the one who is begging for forgiveness. I love you, Bella. You're the only woman I've ever loved. I'm sorry that I got lost in the dark."

"We both did," she whispered.

Edward kissed her cheeks, drifting across the bridge of her nose.

"I want to make you happy," he muttered with repentance. "I hope I can make you smile again."

Closing the distance between them, they felt the storm pass by.

.

.

.


	32. Fission

**Lacunar**

**32\. ****Fission**

There were days when Edward stared at his wife like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. But on other days, Edward watched her like a hawk, wondering what was on her mind. Paranoia polluted his spirit as he constantly thought about _who_ consumed her attention.

Every time she curled her lip and crinkled her brow, he wondered if she was thinking about... _him_.

Every time she checked her phone, he wondered if it was _him _texting her.

Every time, she told him a story about what had happened at work, he wondered if _he _was there.

Edward never asked for a name, not since that night. He preferred not to recall the identity of a man who'd woken him up with a brutal slap to the face, reminding him of his marital failures. Also, he thought it'd save him a bleeding knuckle- he didn't want to risk losing control.

But Bella had wanted to be perfectly honest with her husband, unwilling to carry any more burdens.

"Jasper Hale," she'd told him, one night.

He'd simply nodded, not saying a word.

Slowly, they adjusted- with Bella moving back into the house. At first, the sea was calm... they drifted and they floated, enjoying the rhythm of the waves until things began to feel offbeat in Edward's head. His noxious obsession with his wife's reactions grew exponentially.

He double-checked everything he did.

He apologized over the smallest things, even when Bella looked at him blankly and asked what his apology was for.

He hovered over Bella, wanting her to be happy whilst feeling terribly inadequate inside. He spun himself in a web of agonizing turmoil and debated over his capabilities to bring her such fulfillment.

He was fearful that he'd ruin her again.

He was scared that she'd run away. To someone else.

So he tried and he tried. He never stopped.

And it worked. Bella smiled more, laughed more. She was often the one who initiated the love-making. But even when she'd moan with pleasure and tell him how much she loved him, Edward wasn't sure if it was ever enough.

He hid behind the rapid growth of paranoia. It contaminated the richness of his memories, transforming it into an opaque puddle of brown.

Even though Bella giggled and thanked him for their weekend getaways, Edward never saw any of that. He only focused on what could happen if he slipped up. An emptiness darkened over his eyes, tainted with worry and defeat. He never stopped searching for the missing fragments of his memory, hoping it could aid him in some way. But the lacunas in his mind were stubbornly rigid.

Without any more options, he did what he could- unaware that unhealthy determination had seized him by the throat, making itself in charge.

He overanalyzed his wife's expressions.

He exhausted his own rationality.

One night, as Bella cuddled next to her husband, kissing his neck, Edward uncharacteristically pushed her away. Bella grew nervous as she waited for her postponed rejection.

_He's finally come to his senses_, she thought. _He doesn't want me anymore_.

Edward swung his legs off the bed and pulled open the drawer of his bedside table. He didn't face Bella as he handed the papers to her.

"W-what... what does this mean?" she asked shakily.

"It means you can be free," he replied, stoicism laced in his voice. "He made you happy for so many months. I don't want to restrain you, anymore."

"Edward, why are you doing this?" Bella whispered, touching his back in a tentative manner.

It chipped away at his heart to feel her act so wary around him.

"I screwed up, Bella. Something fell apart in the middle of this and we did it all wrong. We took the wrong turn on the highway. But here's your exit. I'll always be grateful for the memories I've shared with you," he said quietly. "I've already signed it."

As Edward walked into the adjoining bathroom, he was careful not to let her see the tears that scorched his skin.

.

.

.


	33. Sacrifice

**Lacunar**

**33\. ****Sacrifice**

She was completely baffled by Edward's behavior. He found the ground to be much more interesting than her face. Even when he did look up, it was a quick glance before he'd dart into his study again. He avoided her around the house to the point where she chose to eat dinner in the bedroom as a measure of self-preservation.

She couldn't stand the empty look in his eyes.

Yet she hadn't given much thought to signing the papers.

Her attention was purely focused on why Edward's mood had changed so drastically. They'd just finished having sex when Edward gave her the divorce papers in a manner of planned precision. He had refused to look her in the eye, stiffly handing her what he thought she would have wanted for so long.

Bella thought they were over this.

She thought they would consult each other before jumping to conclusions.

Nevertheless, Edward kept his head low and shied away from her. As he hid in his office, trying to push away images of Bella, Edward knew he was frantically defending himself, once again.

_I'm a coward_, he repeated to himself.

He was scared of her answer.

He was scared of a life without her.

But he knew that what he was doing _had_ to be the right thing. He didn't want Bella to feel sorry for him. He didn't want her to stay with him merely because she felt guilty about what she had done in the past. He knew she felt accountable for everything that had transpired that night, resulting in his accident. He didn't want her to blame herself, anymore; he wanted to see his wife escape from the misery she had been trapped in for too long.

But even the nonsensical elements of his cogitation couldn't stop him from sleeping in the same bed as Bella. His heart seemed to be magnetized to the woman he loved.

However, they slept awkwardly.

The distant warmth that he felt from the other side of the king-sized mattress provided some insulation to the wintry sadness in his chest. He reminded himself that there was still a bit of time left with his love. As Bella turned away from him every night, she hopelessly wished for him to wrap his arms around her, kissing her the way he always did.

She was tired of seeking even though there was nowhere else for him to hide.

But her wish was never granted.

As she'd wait with bated breath for her husband to show any signs of loving her and wanting her back, she finally saw the futility in her case.

He would never love her.

Not after everything they'd gone through.

They could never be the same people they once were. Even though they yearned to reignite the love between them, Bella understood what Edward felt. He'd pitied her so he tried. But it had been a feeble attempt and one that would end with her signature on the papers.

As Edward looked up at the ceiling, his mind danced through a flashback of the two giggling in bed. He saw pillow fights and sloppy kisses. Nights of endless passion and eternal desire.

Sighing into the silence that wafted throughout their bedroom, Edward reluctantly tried to tell himself that he would manage to live and possibly be happy again. Maybe, one day in the distant future. Even if he wasn't the one who could hold her anymore.

Slowly, Edward's eyes closed as he surrendered himself to the blissful dreams that gave him a purpose to sleep every night. They gave him happy promises that his reality couldn't guarantee. He resorted to the nostalgic memories encased in his treasure chest, with all of them revolving around the woman next to him.

He knew he would love her, forever and ever. He just wasn't cruel enough to hold her back from chasing her happily ever after. Even if it was with someone else.

But he did wonder if his heart could make it out alive.

Bella quietly rolled over, facing her husband, as soon as she heard his breathing even out. She stared at him for what felt like a dozen forevers before she touched his lips with trembling fingertips, reminiscing about a time when she would have kissed him in a heartbeat. She wouldn't have been scared of the consequences.

"I tried my best," she whispered. He looked more peaceful when he wasn't looking at her. Melancholy stirred in her chest, pulling down her lips as she stifled a sob.

Moving closer to him so that she rested her head on his chest, she imagined herself being cradled, one last time.

.

.

.


	34. Being

**Lacunar**

**34\. ****Being**

Some of the teachers in the faculty were away on a science excursion, making the staffroom eerily quiet when Bella entered. During most lunch times, the teachers would chat about things that they looked forward to on the weekends or sigh at the list of students who decided that deadlines were of no importance to them.

Bella started to prepare for her next class, printing out materials from her computer. As she double-checked the booklets, she heard a throat being cleared. Turning around, she met Jasper's eyes.

"Hey," she greeted cautiously.

"I've told everyone else but I wanted to let you know too," Jasper said, looking down at his hands with avid fascination. "I'm leaving town."

The blunt fact of everyone else already knowing this update made Bella feel even more emotionless towards a man she had once truly liked. She looked around the room, staring at the folders situated on the desks of different teachers. She absently stared at the periodic table that was taped on Jasper's table.

"Aren't you going to say something?" he asked.

"What do you want me to say?" Bella replied, deeming the conversation matter to be a dead-end. She turned around and resumed what she had been doing before.

"Bella."

"I hope you find a better job out there. You're an amazing teacher."

"Listen-"

"I wish you all the best. I know you'll do inspiring things in the future, Jas-"

"I'm telling you this because I want you to come with me," Jasper said in a low voice, turning around to check if he'd caught anyone's attention.

"What on earth are you-"

"I've given you some time to think about it," he added quickly. "I figured you might have changed your mind. As I am completely serious about this."

"You have major problems with understanding _no_."

"I love you, Bella," Jasper declared. "Come away with me. I'll leave first and then you can follow afterwards. Or we can depart together."

"And leave my job?" Bella hissed incredulously.

She slowly registered the selfishness entangled within the proposal and the retort.

"We'll go to a more crowded city where we can blend in. There's bound to be good positions elsewhere," he replied.

"You've thought way too much about this," she said, furiously shaking her head.

"I'll always want you. Always," Jasper said meaningfully.

Bella was suddenly frightened by the intensity of his resolution. Guilt took a shot at her Achille's heel as she fell onto the ground, knowing that Jasper's transition was irreversible. She thought back to the moment when Edward had delivered the divorce papers, notifying her that he had already signed it.

He'd let her go, without a fight.

But Jasper was right in front of her. Still fighting.

Bella closed her eyes, finding herself being thrown into the water with stones tied to her ankles. It was hard to resurface and replenish the disappearing oxygen in her lungs. She wanted her forever to be with Edward. Not Jasper. So why did she have to do this?

But the answer was simple and one that she knew already.

She needed to do this for herself.

She needed to make this decision for _her _life.

"I will always love you," Jasper continued, as if he could read her mind- knowing what Edward had sacrificed to his own fears.

"Thank you for all that you've helped me with," Bella stated. "But this is where we part because I'm not leaving."

She was not running away.

She was going to live to see her life play out on its undisturbed track.

Jasper stared into Bella's eyes for a minute longer before glancing at an object of interest on her desk. A guarded expression wiped away the gentle hopefulness that had flourished in his eyes. As the school bell rang- pulling them out of their ineluctable impasse, Jasper gathered his materials and strolled out of the staffroom.

The wedding photo sat quietly in its frame.

.

.

.


	35. Tenacity

_(A/N: To a guest review that I cannot reply to: the school that I attended, as well as many around the area, had plenty of desks in all faculty staffrooms. In other words, all teachers had personal desks where they did their marking, had photo frames, computers etc., whether it be situated along the sides of the room or just back-to-back with each other. The classrooms would be empty as teachers/pupils rotated in them. It was hardly an upscale school as well. Sorry for any confusion.)_

**Lacunar**

**35\. ****Tenacity**

A school assembly occurred, a few days later.

Jasper Hale was handed a bouquet of flowers in the light of his departure, thanking him for his contribution. His reason for leaving was that he wanted to be closer to his sick grandmother. But how much of that statement was true, Bella didn't know.

A brief party in the staffroom followed to which she found herself standing closer to the window than in the center of the room. As a round of hugs was given to Jasper by all the teachers, Bella was planted in a dilemma that tackled the roots of her emotions. She didn't know if she should feel thankful that he was leaving or bad for feeling thankful.

She stared at the empty space on the floor in front of her until they were filled up by Jasper's polished shoes.

A forlorn smile clung to his lips as he looked at Bella. Unbeknownst to her, he was trying to remember every inch of her face just like the first day he had met her. It was a goodbye that had come too quickly. He could still remember the hello in her eyes.

"Thank you for being my friend," Jasper whispered as he hugged Bella.

She relaxed in his embrace- breathing out slowly, finding closure in the way she had treated him and the way he had relentlessly pursued her.

"I could never have been anything more," she uttered with brooding finality. She was locking a door she never wanted to open again. But the lessons that had been engraved into her would stay there for many years to come.

Jasper pulled back and nodded before he turned to the physics teacher next to Bella who shrieked at the unfairness of losing a pretty boy like him.

Bella shook her head with a smile. She picked up her things and left the room. As she walked away from the mop of blond hair and light blue eyes that had given her the training wheels that she needed, she knew it would be the last time she'd see Jasper Hale.

And she was right.

.

.

.

She had been staring at the words on the paper for more than a few minutes before she realized that she was rereading the same sentence whilst her mind danced with chains of daydreams. Bella gripped the pen tightly in her hand, willing herself to pull through this.

When she found herself coming face-to-face with the last page where Edward's signature was printed gracefully, Bella felt her heart being whirled into another cycle of despair at their faulty communication.

Communication was a valued aspect in everything that she did. But for some reason, even the most shrewd kinds of people liked to forget that important tool in the midst of anger, fear and distress.

She tried to convince herself that what she was doing was selfless. He wanted to let her go; he just wanted to be content in life. Happiness was what they both sought. It was what anyone sought in this mortal life. But just as she got that through her head, the magnitude of her love for her husband washed away all reason.

With a shaky hand, the pen hovered over its designated space. Bella breathed out an anguished sigh, knowing that it would reroute her fate.

For the first time in a long time, she trusted herself. She believed in what she was doing.

Bella walked to his study with strides that were bare of any hesitancy. Edward felt his heart tremble as he looked into the eyes of his wife. The immensity of his affection towards Bella made him want to beg on the floor- a plea for her to never leave him. To show him that she was the stronger one out of the two.

As his eyes traveled to the papers in Bella's hands, cold defeat washed over him as the tears blurred his vision.

"Leave it on the table," he muttered, quickly looking away.

Bella did exactly that before walking out. She'd made her choice. Now, she waited for the love of her life to take control of his own journey from here on out.

The distinct click of his door being shut triggered the tears on Edward's face. It was symbolic of the farewell he never wanted to witness. He loved her with every fiber of his being. But to wake up to a perfection that could only exist without his horrific memories, he knew fear was eating him alive. It was a contagious feeling. He only wished he was courageous enough to shake it off.

Edward ignored the papers for more than two hours before he decided to take a nervous peek. He knew his end would come eventually, ever since Bella Swan had bewitched him with a lifelong spell of love. As he flipped through the papers, succumbing to his lonely fate, he froze in unadulterated shock.

The only signature he saw was his own.

.

.

.


	36. Rise

**Lacunar**

**36\. ****Rise **

Bella curled up on the bed as she watched the clouds, through the window, pass by- one at a time. Her eyelids lowered as sleep conquered her dreary thoughts. Flashes of her wedding night brought a smile to her face, causing her to relax amongst the memories where she still had an Edward who was brave enough to put up a fight. She escaped the quagmire of her reality and into a veiled history of delicate simplicity.

It had only felt like a few minutes before Bella's eyes slowly opened. The sky had darkened into a shade between musky tangerine and burnt maroon. She let out a sleepy yawn as she stretched her sore muscles. But then she froze, recognizing an anomaly that lied close-by.

There was a weight pressed up against her back that inhibited her from moving too much. She looked down at her waist where she saw an arm wrapped tightly around her.

Arching her neck, Bella caught a quick glimpse of Edward's peaceful face which contained no traces of trepidation. She snapped her head back to where it was before, in a speedy motion that was sure to have pulled a muscle in her neck. Bella suddenly sank into a stupor of confusion, stricken with indeterminate facts.

She thought he didn't want her anymore.

A few tears leaked out of Bella's eyes as she wondered if this was Edward's way of saying goodbye. Did he not want to say any words? Did he only want to remember her by the curves of her body that he had once memorized through impressions of the fingertips?

Bella inhaled deeply as she tried to remember this moment forever. She closed her eyes, pretending that this wouldn't be a despondent memory being added into her collection. She deceived herself by thinking that this was her waking up from every sleep and nap. Every afternoon and night.

Next to her husband.

Next to eternity.

She tried settling into a calm sleep by envisioning what her future would have looked like if the ground hadn't transitioned from concrete to rocky soil. She wondered if it was all in fate's best wishes to create a fall that would wake them up. Scraped knees and palms with tiny rocks digging into it- perhaps, it had all been a planned challenge to test where Strength resided.

There were too many questions floating inside her head. Sleep didn't offer her the support that she needed. So she opened her eyes, frustrated.

"I wonder if we'll be like this again," Bella whispered, almost to herself. "I can't even savor this moment."

Bella adjusted herself in Edward's arms as she mumbled about the worries on her mind, knowing that saying it aloud was better than keeping it inside her head. She talked about a time when faith was at its zenith. She talked about love and hope, knowing that they were pivotal to resurrection.

She had both of them in her hands. And she didn't need a manual to know how to use them.

"I love you," Bella whispered as she touched his forearm.

She didn't know if he had read through the divorce papers yet, finding out that she hadn't granted him her signature. Bella closed her eyes as more tears ran out of their hiding.

She couldn't let him go so easily.

Even though it'd broken her heart to see that he'd signed her away in an instant.

But suddenly, a broken cry slipped from Edward's lips. "Please don't leave me."

Bella held her breath, freezing in his arms as he held onto her tighter. She wasn't sure if he was sleep-talking or not, even though she knew her husband never rambled in any of his drowsy phases. It was usually her who did that, to which he took advantage of. Edward would always scare her by making up lies of what she'd said the previous night.

"I can't ever let you go," Edward whispered, bringing his lips to Bella's shoulder. "I never wanted to."

"Why?" Bella croaked. "Why did you give me those papers?"

"Happiness," Edward managed to gasp. "Your happiness."

Bella turned around after coaxing Edward to relax his hold on her. He was frightened that she would vanish, bringing upon perpetual darkness in his heart. He understood that Courage waited for him on the other side of the road. He just needed to cross it, with his wife by his side. The act itself would be courageous in all aspects, demolishing the fear that had multiplied in his heart. But he needed to make the first step. Himself.

He'd never wanted to leave her. It'd all been too much for a man who awoke to a fairytale, only to register the worst of his actions before observing everything resuming back to normal, as if love could be resolved with the plainness of words and kisses. It had seemed too perfect to be true yet too imperfect to give up on.

A signature later and a suitcase packed, he had wondered if he would only be a memory to her.

He knew she would continue to be a gem that outshone his present with an indomitable splendor.

But now, everything was changing. Her strength in standing up to him, telling him that he had nothing to be afraid of, was the key to ease away his terror of the unknown. She encouraged him- not to be afraid of his memories, not to be afraid of his future.

The tears that trickled down his face caused an ache in Bella's chest. Edward hardly ever cried. She was gripped with sadness as she remembered the tears of her husband from the night he had found out about her and Jasper. She quickly pushed away the incident, feeling nauseous from retracing the details. The past would always stay with them, giving rise to new challenges. But it was all about how they dealt with them. How they stood up on their feet to regain the valor that was needed.

She cradled her husband's cheek with a loving caress as she brushed away the trails of his weeping. She pressed her lips to his, creating a unity between the tears on their faces.

"Happiness is in this home. It is within both of us."

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	37. Ardor

**Lacunar**

**37\. Ardor**

"Are you remembering those missing pieces?" Bella asked as they sat on the couch.

"Not really," Edward sighed. "I don't remember much from recency. I don't know what Jasper looks like. I don't remember how much of a jerk I've been."

"You've seen Jasper before," Bella replied quietly. "You bumped into him when you were grocery shopping."

Edward frowned, begging his mind for magnanimity. The air became humid; he could feel perspiration in its fullest bliss. As much as he didn't want to remember an incarnation of his blemishes- a faceless man with an alluring touch, realization leaped through Edward's thoughts.

"The blond man," he said.

"That's him," Bella answered before she headed to the kitchen to get a drink.

"But how would you know that I bumped into him?" Edward asked, confused. He followed her and grabbed a glass for himself.

"On the day that you accused me of going to his house, he told me about the encounter," she replied. "He thought it'd be easier if he pretended to have never seen you before, because you didn't know who he was."

Edward grew silent, capturing a listless expression, as he poured water into his glass. Bella could see him struggling to digest the information. The road in front of him seemed to mock him, creating a stairway of ridicule as it dared Edward to make the climb.

They would strive for a requital of their past- destroying secrets with anxious questions and truthful answers. The qualm of fear would be replaced with undying fortitude. She told Edward about Jasper's kiss, holding onto him as stupefaction knocked him over. She knew they could get through this with only honesty uttered between them. He asked her about what she'd been doing while he was in a coma from the accident. She sadly replied that she was drunk with her emotions, having passed out alongside the interlinked lines of her sadness where tears graced her face with a permanent stay.

"I never loved him the way I love you," Bella whispered as she hugged Edward from behind. She walked in front of him, placing her hands on his chest- feeling a pulse that would serve as a regular tempo for their beating happiness.

"I hate how insecure I feel," he admitted softly, displaying the smallest glow of boyhood in his eyes.

"It's my fault," she said, pained to see her husband recover from a man he couldn't recognize.

"Don't say that, Bella," Edward replied angrily. "Please don't blame yourself."

He gathered Bella in his arms before placing her on the counter. She moved her legs apart so that he could stand directly in front of her. In a pageantry of loving tenderness, he kissed her affectionately.

"I love you. I love you," Bella mumbled.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Edward whispered. His feelings were ineffable. But he tried and he would keep trying. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make babies with you and if that can't happen, we'll adopt a beautiful household of children."

Pressing herself closer against his chest, Bella continued to kiss her beloved husband as his fingertips traced over her hips. He carried her upstairs to a world of soft pillows and exciting anticipation as the mattress touched her back.

"I only want you. I want everything with you," Bella whispered.

"I can't believe I was so stupid to even think about letting you go," he said, kissing the crook of her neck. "I thought you could be happy... with him."

"He offered to run away with me," she whispered. She didn't want to keep hurting him like this, but he'd insisted on knowing everything that she could give him. It'd help him grow and reach the heyday of his marriage again.

Edward gritted his teeth, waiting for the next part of Bella's statement. She placed gentle kisses over his face, highlighting her devotion to him.

"I told him I couldn't leave you," she said. "Because you're the only person I'll ever love in this lifetime."

"You didn't leave..." Edward murmured. "Even when I gave you the papers?"

"There's only one man who's taken my heart with him, wherever he goes," Bella said as tears gathered in her eyes. "And I'm so glad I married him."

Once upon a time, he'd given her strength, teaching her the fine needlework of love. He gave her a hope and a passion that seemed to exist out on the unreachable horizon. Now it was her turn to show him the same, to allow them both to heal- flourishing under the heat of a new sun that would rise every morning.

Edward stared into Bella's eyes for many moments to follow as he found himself on the verge of tears. Pecking her skin with hot kisses, Edward bathed her in the warmth of love. She was doused in promises and giggles. Moans and heavy panting.

"I love you," Edward said firmly as he moved in her. Kissing her breasts with fervor and eliciting a series of groans, he took her to the highest position above sea level. "I'll never let you go. I can't."

He had a lot to work on but he knew fright was only a creation of his mind. It warned him, trying to guide him onto the safest route. During the periods of time away from his wife- physically and emotionally, he learned that safety didn't guarantee happiness and perturbation could never promise vigor. He knew he'd have to find strength within himself, within his marriage and within his very own soul.

His memories were vital but they dimmed in comparison to the actions that he would perform, right now. Starting today, not tomorrow.

As they moaned though the waves of their passion without taking their eyes off each other, Edward and Bella reached another pinnacle moment in their lives. They knew their love was being created into something else, entirely.

.

.

.


	38. Bookshelf

**Lacunar**

**38\. ****Bookshelf **

No one had told them that marriage was perfect but their optimism had been endless. They did not foresee their individual transformations until life's vines of unpredictability took their time to crawl over the window sill. They never expected to spend their coupons on an emotional roller-coaster that would end where it all began. Though this time, their hair was more disheveled and their eyes were filled with a unique exhilaration.

Therapy helped them, providing the necessary steps to reach the goals they'd once treasured. Diligence became their motto and faith was their mentor. Slowly, the wounds were stitched up- one at a time- until they were scars depicting a story of bravery that only they knew.

They felt blessed to have each other, preferring the days when they never got out of bed. Instead, lovemaking was the only priority.

No spoken words were needed.

They understood.

It was in those moments- saturated in soothing languor, that they found themselves in their idyllic environment.

Their outpour of love was an unstoppable current. Love hadn't abandoned them; it'd simply left for a temporary vacation as it splattered sunscreen on its heated skin, before basking under the Bahamian sun. They both knew that life was a messy teenager's chaotic bedroom where socks were strewn all over the floor. They'd pick up each one slowly, and patiently.

Bella's time at the high school didn't change much. However, a new teacher, Bob Banner, joined the workforce.

As her spirits lifted at home, she found herself interacting a lot more with her colleagues. Many didn't know that Bella had a rambunctious side. They were familiar with her humor and her kindness but for over a year, they'd felt as if she wanted space. A few teachers had thought she became more serious about her job whereas others had given her the appropriate distance, hoping that she'd come around one day.

But _one day_ did come and it expanded into weeks, then months.

As there wasn't any long-term damage to Edward's memory, he underwent a gradual transition back to work. He adjusted with great caution, knowing better than anyone not to become the workaholic he had carelessly fallen prisoner to.

Edward never made any extra attempts to become closer to Carlisle. He did what he had to do before happily returning home to his beautiful wife. He only wished the same for Carlisle- to have a wonderful marriage that was sure to last for a lifetime.

Everything was going well until suddenly, Bella decided to make it even better.

After contemplating an idea of demolishing the wall between two adjacent guestrooms, Edward and Bella went ahead to design the free space whilst builders orchestrated a real-life rendition of their drawn-up plans. An architect overlooked their progress and after a month of hard work, everything they saw on paper became its own tangible dimension.

Bella smiled, slotting the last book onto the shelf as she sat on Edward's shoulders.

She giggled as he securely held onto her legs while twirling underneath the chandelier. The vacancy of the room was filled with knowledge and culture, ringing with literature that expanded across the ages.

A home library, it was.

In this new oasis, Bella graded her papers with a smile whilst Edward worked on new cases, though frequently finding it hard to take his eyes off his wife. Their desks were pushed opposite each other with green study lamps sitting on the reddish wood. The leather couch was situated nearby, staring at the bookshelves with a resigned look as it knew its resting time was only momentary.

One of them would reach over, stroking the other's hand.

"Time for a break?" they'd ask with a mischievous smile.

The important documentation on their desks would flutter accordingly with the breeze that came in from the stained glass windows. The wooden floors would squeak with familiar surprise as they pranced around, gleefully shedding their clothes. The library had never been put to such good use. They were productive in a magnitude of ways.

As they dove onto the couch in a breathless race, they knew they would be doing this for a very long time.

.

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	39. Beginning

**Lacunar**

**39\. ****Beginning **

"Unfortunately, I'm on tonight's supervision duties," the mathematics teacher said, rolling his eyes. "My wife wants me at home for our date night."

"I'll cover you," Bella said, smiling at the middle-aged man. "I'm free tonight."

She had never properly talked to Aro Volturi. But today called for something new, something different. He told her about his marriage of thirty years to a girl he had initially detested. Bella laughed and cried throughout his story until his wife angrily phoned him, demanding to know if their date was going to suffer a raincheck.

"Are you sure, Bella?" he asked.

She laughed, waving her hand. Aro kissed her on the cheeks and thanked her. After he strolled away, Bella dug out her phone to tell Edward what was happening at the school event tonight.

"Are you okay with it?" she asked, missing her husband already.

"Of course, I am, love," Edward said. "You're going to come home first, right?"

"Yeah, it doesn't start till six o'clock," Bella replied as she started to tidy up her desk. She'd finished grading some of the assignments which rewarded her with temptations of a relaxing weekend beyond the shaky mirage of biology reports.

"I'll see you soon, love," Edward said.

Bella jumped into her car and drove back home with a smile. She hadn't managed to get her keys out before her husband threw open the door and carried her up the stairs with what seemed to be a mixture of hungry impatience and feral desire.

Edward didn't hesitate to make love to her against the wall, in front of the bathroom mirror and on their bed. Every round ended in strings of satiated sighs that were dipped in wondrous elation. The intervals were fleeting, disappearing as soon as Bella innocently straddled Edward's lap. His chuckle would be the last sound of amusement heard before the walls echoed with pants of vocal appreciation.

"I've got to get ready," Bella said, a while later.

Edward gave her a pout despite reluctantly letting her go. After grabbing a quick bite and pecking her husband on the lips, Bella made her way to the school grounds where she saw students filing into the main hall.

She felt a shiver of nostalgia as she remembered Edward bringing her here. It commenced the journey of a lifetime.

Bella had decided to put on a long, red dress and matching heels to fit in with the event. The students had voted to have a classy theme- embracing one with vintage enchantment and a strong resemblance to _The Great Gatsby _(which made the English teachers proud to see their students endorsing good literature).

Bella smiled at the kids whilst collecting tickets at the door. The school was successfully stamping another annual, high school dance onto the calendar. However, by eight o'clock, a series of persistent yawns started to attack Bella. Growing tired, she revisited the very beginning of her time with Edward Cullen, when they'd skipped on the wobbly steps of youth's excitement. They had been fidgety and nervous. But beneath all of that, they were young and learning.

Stupidly falling in love.

Nothing too physical happened that night. They'd ended up finding commonalities through conversations whilst standing underneath the bleachers.

After a solid sequence of the latest pop music, a slow song trickled out of the speakers. Bella smiled to herself as she pictured Edward dancing with her. Bright colors of the coruscating memory made her feel a happiness that trailed down her scalp to the tips of her toes.

Suddenly, Bella heard the words of a once-uttered beginning.

"Can I have this dance, beautiful?"

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So this is the penultimate chapter! See you later for one more chapter.

**/+/ **According to the _Medical Dictionary (Farlex)_, Lacunar amnesia contains 'partial loss of memory' and 'amnesia for certain isolated experiences'. Over at _Stedman's Medical Dictionary (via Dictionary dot com)_, it is similarly depicted as 'the memory of isolated events is lost'.

**/+/ **Feel free to message me if you have any questions or comments. And in case you missed one of the many tiniest of things, Edward was constantly at _Riomem hospital_ (fictional) which is simply _memoir _backwards.

**/+/ ****Thank you so much **for reading; all of your reviews have been incredibly lovely and insightful. I wrote this in roughly three days, trying very hard not to make it cheesy and predictably cliché (which I fear that it is anyway)! School's taunting me again, meaning I have a small window of free time left to work on other WIPs before I am blown away by _r.e.a.l.i.t.y_. But it's all right, I have _#_faith. I wish y'all a joyful 2015 and as always, be kind to others and to your very, very _beautiful _selves.

_*kisses and hugs*_

**Love, perpetually.**


	40. Infinite

**Lacunar**

_"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." _

_– Thomas Edison (1847-1931)_

**40\. ****Infinite**

She stared at her enthralling husband as her lips parted to let out a surprised giggle.

"You're wounding my ego," Edward snickered. "Give this poor boy a chance."

Bella stood up and curtsied, playing along.

"I haven't danced since our wedding night," she said, looking around at the swaying couples.

"Follow my lead," Edward murmured and shyly pecked her on the cheek.

"How did you even get in?" Bella asked. She was impressed, finding his stealth to be a thrill that she looked forward to.

"I didn't know Elizabeth Cope still worked here," he chuckled. "She let me in after I gave her a convincing story about wanting to see my stunning wife. I couldn't believe she recognized me. Technically, she was a new teacher when we were seniors. So maybe it wasn't _that _long ago."

"It feels surreal- the way time flies. Someday, these kids will teach here while I'm on the brink of retirement. Someday, our lives are going to zoom by without us even noticing."

Bella hadn't registered the gentle tickling of her tears until Edward gingerly wiped them away, erasing her meaningless concerns. He traced the silvery tracks left on her cheeks with his lips as he pressed loving kisses to her skin.

"Growing old together has always been something that you've wanted," Edward reminded her. "I'm never letting you go until death decides to bite me in the ass."

"Maybe death can bite me in the ass too," Bella suggested with a laugh.

"Firstly, _no one_ is biting your ass," he stated sternly. "And secondly, I think it's the hormones talking again."

"Yeah, the emotions always run high when you surprise me like this," she said with a loud sniffle.

"Remember back when I was that shy kid who asked you to the school dance?" Edward said, smiling. "Jessica Stanley had _really _encouraged me to ask you out."

"That's because she wanted Mike for herself," Bella pointed out. "It's weird because everyone wants to leave high school after they graduate. Yet, here we are... constantly reminded of our dramatic years at school."

"There are certain things that I don't ever want to leave behind," Edward mumbled. "There's a lot of things that I can't afford to _forget_."

Something hard in his pocket bumped against Bella's leg.

"Oh, I forgot. Here's your corsage."

He took out the small bouquet of neatly-packed flowers from the box. Tying the corsage around her wrist, Edward gave her a proud smile.

"You're not as smooth as you used to be," Bella joked.

"I was never this smooth."

"You're smooth in bed," she remarked, knowing that she was giving him a massive ego boost.

"Want to visit the bleachers?" Edward whispered cheekily.

"I bet it's occupied."

"Don't worry, I'll scare them away."

He was distracted by the many observations that he made as he strolled across the school grounds. He spoke to his wife about what had changed since he'd last seen the place. Bella found his inner-chatterbox to be very endearing.

After yelling at two kids to go somewhere else, Edward waved her over. It was not a zone for youthful strangers. Instead, it'd be a sanctuary for the revival of old memories- ones that never seemed to erode over time.

"Thank you, Edward," she said, stepping closer. "Thank you for asking me to the dance. Thank you for being my husband. Thank you for being so wonderful."

"You're getting emotional again, beautiful wife," Edward chuckled as he kissed Bella's nose. He bent down so that he was facing her stomach. "Stop making your mama so emotional."

"Edward, he can't hear you at ten fetus weeks," Bella said dryly.

"Prometheus can hear me. Can't you buddy?"

"We're not calling our child _Prometheus_." Each word was enunciated slowly.

"Your mama's growling at me so I better not get her any more worked up," Edward said before he stood up.

"How come there's a random blanket, over there?" Bella asked, pointing to the item as if it were a two-headed dog.

"Because I placed it there," he smirked. "And those kids were ruining my surprise."

"I can't deal with more surprises," she said, pretending to faint against his chest.

Edward held Bella's hand as he laid her down on the soft material. Lines of shadows and splatters of light ran across Bella's face. He was struck with a heavy sense of admiration as he stared at his beloved.

"I don't know what kind of cheesy crap you're trying to pull," Bella mumbled impatiently.

"I've always wondered what would've happened if I had the nerves to properly kiss you that night. Maybe Prometheus would have greeted us a lot earlier," he whispered softly as he placed tender kisses across her neck.

"But that would have changed a whole series of events," Bella responded. "We wouldn't be the same people. We wouldn't have learned everything in the sequence that we did. So naturally, our course of action would vary as well."

"But maybe, I wouldn't have transformed into _him_. Into that Edward."

"I love every side of you," Bella whispered, feeling her chin tremble. "We fall down, but we rise again. So please stop hating what you did in a past that has already been stored in a forgotten shoebox. That box only collects trivial memorabilia of the unchangeable. Everything you do _now_ means the world to me."

"You're my life, Bella," he said, sealing his declaration with a promising kiss. "You are the dream that I never wake up from."

As Edward removed the silky dress that glazed over her skin, he continued to pepper the right amount of kisses. Bella held onto his neck as he traced her breasts with his tongue, making them hard with an eagerness for more. He dived between her legs and brought her endless releases until she begged for him to stop so that he could arrive at the intersection of their love.

Entering her slowly, Edward knew he was returning home. As her core rocked with a passion that only her husband knew best, electric sensations were imbued. He sprinted after a release that he loved sharing with his wife. The speed of their actions quickened until she was clenching every muscle in her body with a scream of his name. In that moment, she witnessed the teaser of a fulfillment that she knew she would see until the end of time.

They floated back, descending from their visitation to bliss.

"Were you trying to combine our first times together?" she asked knowingly.

She could remember her nights with him so clearly, displaying a road that she'd walked on with her very own feet. That night when they'd talked, under the bleachers. And that other night when they'd first made love. Knowing that a galaxy surrounded them and moonlight helped their awkward fumbling.

"Yeah," Edward murmured as he reconnected his lips with Bella's.

"Some view," she giggled as they looked at the rows of seats above them. "Where is the starry night?"

"Are you saying you're not seeing enough stars, love?" he asked, nibbling on her earlobe.

"Perhaps, dear husband," Bella whispered. Once again, Edward started his mission of delivering her stars without a telescope.

She knew that moments became memories in the blink of an eye. The earth didn't stop for love or death, and it wasn't going to stop for them. Perhaps they would carry their flaws like brave scars from the battlefield or they would bury them like fragments of a nightmare that would only exist behind closed eyes.

She could feel the strength of her husband and his recovery, knowing that it had somehow saved her as well. What had started off as a mystery for Edward also became an imperative search for Bella's own insight. It'd taught her aspects of herself that she'd been too scared to confront. It'd illuminated beauty behind the ugliness of pain. She could feel the disappearing ache that had tortured them both. Its burns sizzled under the water, allowing nothing but hazy smoke to signify its transparent existence. Flawed human beings, they were and always will be. But perseverance was a sacred remedy that worked wonders when Effort was present.

Love and happiness would come hand in hand. A life that was filled with stumbles and a winding road would be a life worth living for, especially next to the person who she linked arms with- in lifelong commitment, and in matrimony. She could hear the serene plucking of the harp as she arrived in a tree-arching avenue of acceptance. The regrowth of hope was blossoming with every inhalation, every touch and every smile. As they relied on honesty in their everyday communication, they both understood that nothing was too late to save. It had simply been their willpower to do so- breaking down the brick walls of pride.

She knew that with each step they took, they would write a story for themselves that depicted the strength of resilience.

As they relived a moment that had once existed only at the beginning of their forever, the memories of their love entwined to form the coiled spirals of an Infinity that symbolized what had happened and what has yet to come.

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End file.
